The Discovery Channel and fine tuning

For Carolyn and David - hope your translation powers are up to par?

“I have been dah discovered!”
“Really? What have you discovered dear?”
“I have discovered……dat…….I am not liking dah green eggs and ham.” I look at him. Is he telling something that I don’t already know? Something that he didn’t know? Or is this just a way of exercising the use of a new favourite word ‘discovered’?
“Well thank you so much for telling me that dear.” It’s genuine, I really am glad that he now wishes to share little matters of a trivial or social nature.
“D’you know wot?”
“What dear?”
“Dere are uvver fings dat I am discovered too!”
“I’m sure there are. Would you like to tell me some of them perhaps?”
“No! Dey are dah secret discovered.”
“Secrets. Oh you shouldn’t have any secrets, well at least you shouldn’t have any secrets from me. Never have secrets from your mum.” I deliver this in what I hope is an authoritative tone or maybe a warning.
“Er…..what it is?”
“What is what dear?”
“Dah voice?”
“What voice?”
“Er…..yur voice dat is coming from you?”
“Um?”
“I mean it is dah lagoon.”
“What is a lagoon?”
“Yur voice is dah lagoon.”
“It is?”
He pulls a scary face, leers with claw hands by his ears, to mimic a breathy horror movie tone, “yes, you are dah secret of dah black lagoon.”

Oh dear! It seems I’ll have to mind my tone, and moderate my moan.