It’s a wild life [England is Evil 5]

I lean on the fence and look over the view of rolling green hills and a herd of giraffe. Whilst I look at the giraffe I can’t help but wonder why they do it? If you live in a small, dark pokey house with teeny tiny windows, why would you blot out the view with a three paneled dressing table mirror? I expect it’s just an English thing, as so very many odd things are.

A long legged calf trots along with the grace of some women in high heels as my daughter snuggles up to ask a question, “why are they all huddled up like that, all curled and hunched?” I scan the horizon for wizened giraffe without success. “Where? I can’t see any curly giraffe.”
“Not giraffes, women.”
“Curly women?”
“No Mom, those women over there, those English women that are all crumpled.”
“How do you know that they’re English?”
“Are they what you call ‘wimps’?”
“Wimps! English women aren’t wimps! English women are more like Amazons, cut off their right breasts to achieve better aim with a bow and arrow, or is it the left one or maybe I’m thinking of Britannia.”
“What?”
“Oh nothing, I expect they’re just a bit chilly.”
“Why are they standing like question marks?”
“Are they?”
“Yeah. Do they have dodgy deportment?”
“Dodgy deportment? Where do you get this stuff from? Actually, on second thoughts don’t answer that. I expect they’re just older and colder than some.”

My youngest son deflates against my body, exhausted after having walked five and a half steps from the car at Longleet safari park to my side, “Oh em gee! I broke a nail! OMG! I broke a nail! OMG! I broke a nail!” I pick up his spaghetti arm to check his fingers, just in case. Typical! Where has he picked that up from I wonder? He sighs as his chin sinks to his chest and then blinks at the view like someone deprived of light for the last 40 years, “I am liking dem.”
“I like them too, they’re such graceful creatures.”
“Creatures! Dey are not be creatures, day are be wimmins.”
“Not you too!”
“Yes I am liking the English wimmins very much.”
“Indeed! Why might that be then?”
“Coz of der squishy bits.”
“Which squishy bits?”
“Dah squishy cushions on der tummies for resting the elbows.”

Never let it be said that older women are not appreciated by the discerning, regardless of nationality.