Don’t be so snotty!
I chat to my eldest daughter in the kitchen surrounded by devastation, evidence of a successful play date.
“Blimey! What a mess!”
“Yes I know. I’m just having a quick breather whilst I decide where to start.”
“No fights?”
“A couple of near misses, but all in all, I’d say that they all had fun.”
“Eeeow. What’s that on your shirt?”
“Where? Oh tomato puree, a few smears of peanut butter…....the usual.”
“No. There!”
“Oh….....I must have missed that bit. I’ll just get a tissue.”
“Is it snot?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Eeow, you are slipping.”
“It’s not mine. It’s his.”
“Eeeow gross! That’s even more disgusting.”
“Hmm…. I didn’t know you were so squeamish considering how you’re willing to handle Banana Slugs! I must have missed it during the bathroom debacle.”
“Bathroom debacle?”
“Three people cannot use one toilet at the same time, even if they all happen to be boys.”
“Sounds like a new rule?”
“Verily.”
“You’ll have to start a new campaign. A snot campaign. You can’t become the snot repository.”
“Actually the snot campaign has been on-going for some while now. This is actually evidence of great progress, the culmination of months of hard work.”
“Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!”
“No really. Before they’d just wipe it on whatever happened to be handy, walls, furniture, anything that removed it from their persons and parked it somewhere else.”
“Vile. So how is this progress then?”
“Well they come to me, theoretically to tell me that they need help.”
“Couldn’t you train them to just go and get a tissue?”
“I tried that but somewhere in-between the realizing that they needed one, a tissue, and locating the tissues, they’d come into contact with something else. This is sort of my pre-emptive strike, intervention, so that I can them take them off to the tissue box to practice sterile nasal practices.”
“So?”
“Well sometimes I’m not quick enough in the ‘anticipation department’ and sometimes they’re a little slow in the ‘explanation in words department.”
“So as the words are coming out, they’re physically in the act of using you as a hankerchief.”
“Hmm……......like I said, it’s work in progress.”
“I know! Hang on a minute…………………………..There you go! That should fix it!”
“Ooo I could patent that you know!”
“Yet another new fashion trend!”
“Maybe not. I think it’s already been invented.”
“What?”
“The "pinny.”
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