Toil and trouble

We return from school in full metldown mode following another stressful bout of STAR testing. With homework awaiting us as well as any number of chores to be completed in a tight three hours I see trouble ahead. I am behind with just about everything as efficiency standards have dropped quite markedly of late.

Once inside I cannot decide where to start but luckily someone prompts me.

“I am "cook.”
“Are you? Well it is nearly 90. I don’t mind if you want to take your shirt off dear.”
“No!”
“No?”
“No ……I am be cook today.”
“What are you cook? Er…..I mean……..you want to cook something?”
“Yes.”
“Really?" To be honest I am not keen as a hot pulsating oven is the very last thing we need at the moment. That said, some opportunities are too good to miss. "What do you want to cook?”
“Somefink in dis book I am having here.”
“Ooo that looks nice.”
“Do we have it?”
“Do we have what dear?”
“A chef’s white hat?”
“No……but you don’t need a chef’s hat to cook…..and……I can make you one later after you’ve cooked something. Do you plan to eat what you cook?”
“Yes I am gonna be an eater and a chefer today.”
“Lummy. Two for the price of one.”
“So am be read dah book.”
“Good oh. Which one would you like to make?”
“Sugar cookies.”
“We don’t have any confectioners sugar.”
“Chocolate crinkle cookies.”
“No chocolate.”
“Chocolate ice-cream cake!”
“We don’t have any cocoa nor ice-cream. Maybe we should go to the shops and buy all the things we need?” As I murmour this out loud I have visions of the already squished schedule exploding with yet another, particularly arduous, chore.
“No! Ah……elephant ears.”
“!”
“I am make dem elephant ears.”
“Pardon?”
“Elephant ears.” I peer over his shoulder at the book.
“Oh Palmiers.”
"Palmies is dah English?"
"European."
“Not palmies European,...... earies.....American.”
"!"