Petite observations

“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“How comes you don wear onenna them cool jogging suits like Mrs. Whatsherface?”
“Um…...probably because I don’t jog.”
“Mrs. Whatsherface doesn’t jog either, but she always looks so nice. She wore a pink one today wiv little jewels on the butt. You always look so……….”
“Black and white?”
“Old…in a nice cuddly kinda way.”


***


“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“I……er…..you……..um……..”

I wait for percolation.

“I am a cute?”
“Definitely.”
“No er…..I am a cute pug puppy?”
“A pug puppy?”
“Yeah. I am dah puppy you are dah bitch.”
“Oh….you are learning a lot at the dog park aren’t you.”
“I am dah cutest one?”
Depends upon your definition of ‘cute.’


***


“MOM!”
“Yes dear?”
“I am be.”
“Oh good. What are you b… I mean……what?”
“I am beed XS. What it is XS?”
“Extra small.” He gasps in shock.
“I am not beed small! Er……I am beed the small……est in dah family, but I am beed huge at school.”
“You certainly are tall for your age.”
“YOU!”
“Yes?”
“Why you are a pet it?”
“I’m not a pet, I’m a ………”
What exactly am I these days, apart from buried?
“No! Yur clothes!”
“My clothes?”
“Yur label.”
“Oh, that’s ‘petite’ it means small in French.”
“Yur cloves are be French?”
“Er…..no they’re from Target, probably from China.”
“Dat is stoopid. Yur cloves are not small dey are whale size.”