Hyper-vigilance

It masks itself as peaceful slumber:-



The reality is quite different:-







If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

Lost Leader

It's summer time and the living is tricky, so I only have a whizzy quicky fix this week.

The problem?

How to rid my household of the less than perfect. We have quite a lot of "less than perfect" around here, a thoroughly disgraceful ratio of good to bad. But what to do with all the "rejects?"

Simple.

Photograph the perfect next to the imperfect. Mark with a tick and a cross to help some people see the fault that is all to obvious to my family. Figure out the right price for the "perfect" deduct 25cents and then offer one perfect and one imperfect at 25 cents to the clientele with one rule:-

if you buy the "perfect" then please also buy the imperfect, buy both.







It's a gimmick but ever so gradually we are whittling down the reserves of imperfect stacked in the garage.



And yes you're right. Whilst we were away in England my daughter whisked away the tables and replaced them with a market stall! Home made! All from recycled materials. What a little star she is!

Give us this day, our daily baby

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

As the mother of two autistic children I have far more to moan about than many. One of the many things that I most enjoy moaning about is the wide variety of unco-operative domestic appliances skulling around the house. The top moaning slot is usually allotted to the cooker. The cooker is a huge great ugly thing that came with the house. It’s a commercial, if not industrial lump of steel, capable of catering to the needs of the average restaurant. However, during the summer months I am forced to ignore it even more than usual. This is due to the existence of constant cognitive dissonance on my part which roughly translates as follows:-

Mother nature already hates me for using the air conditioning during a heat wave but she’ll throw me off the planet if I turn the oven on at the same time.

The trouble with the oven, apart from it’s hugeness, is that once lit, it is happy to warm the entire house to 425 degrees centigrade as it belches out heat for several hours post switch off. It is truly the creation of the devil.

That said, my family’s need for sustenance, especially bread, averaging 3 loaves a day, is quite insatiable.

Hence I discuss my latest cunning plan with "Nonna," cook extraordinaire back in the day, as I trip over multifarious swift moving children.

“So……..what about dis den?”
“I’m going to make bread, pasties and muffins all day long and then cook them all in one go late in the afternoon.”
“It is good to fill dah ting sometimes.”
“Yes……in theory……but easier said than done.”
“You’re doing pretty well so far I tink,” she adds as she prods the latest batch of rolls on the rise.
“It’s all in the timing……I hope.”
“You know I tink you could roast a "whole baby" in dat ting!”

Two differing viewpoints

When faced with fresh, lightly chilled, extremely juicy and sweet, seedless watermelon:- one of my sons, the "former neophobic," has very low facial muscle tone which makes eating a strenuous business, my other son, who eats more or less anything [except bananas] displays a remarkable dislike for this most innocent of fruits.

“I am called it an ‘aqua jaw breaker’ coz of dah watery and hard to biting.”





Or........how to eat watermelon without using your hands.

On the other hand......his brother:-

“IZ DISGUSTIN LIKE EATIN A SPONGE!”

For yet another alternative view of watermelons, zip over to my pal "Melody" for a quick "slurp" and spit out the pips.

A snip of peace and quiet on Brownsea Island

Get the code:-
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below

<a href="http://www.lighteningonline.com/"><img src="http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q158/mmcewen/smiley-saturday-1.jpg" /></a>

But it only lasted a nano second!

Notable quotes

From stuttered speech delay to fluidity:-

“Mom!”
“Yes dear?”
“I….....…am…....."
"Yes dear?"
"Er.........…hun……gry.”
“Here, have a banana, you want to be healthy don’t you?”

Silence.

“After healthy…….what am I being?”
“Would you like some Goldfish crackers for a treat?”
“Now you’re...... my kinda woman.”
“!”

I swear I don’t know where he got that one from although the "Boris Karloff" intonation was a little disconcerting.

The survival of the fittest

One of the many advantages of having an excessively large family is that it provides ample opportunity for me to exercise my powers of delegation.

I leave my daughter and her partner to mind Nonna and the three siblings, a two to one ratio, whilst I rush off to the supermarket to feed the hungry hoards. Within 30 minutes I’m back, fully and efficiently re-stocked for possibly another 24 hour period. Predictably enough, the house is in chaos but that does not deflect me from my mission.
“Right! I want every one of you out on the drive way to carry in a bag into the kitchen…..except you Nonna, you’re excused.” Three small people blink in disbelief, “you want to eat, right?” I add encouragingly.
“I am not liking yur disgustin foods.”
“Never mind that, it’s your new job.”
“Jobs is for adults.”
“Nope, not around here. This is how it works. I shop for the food. Daddy pays for the food, you do your work by carrying the food inside the house.”
“I cannot be doing dah working chores today.”
“Really. And why would that be then?”
“Because I am dah weakest one.”
“Rubbish! You’re as strong as a cat.”
“But my cat body is being too empty of the good foods for the giving of the energy.”
“Fair enough. I’ll just have to eat the three catering cartons of Goldfish crackers on my own then.”

England 2, America Infinity

My son snuggles up close to purr with contentment as our holiday draws to a close. He is still at the ‘part cat’ stage of development but there is no harm in checking whether England has grown in attractiveness after an additional annual exposure.
“So………is there anything else you like about England now?”
“Else?”
“Um……additional…….extra. You like afternoon tea time but is there a number two, a second thing that you like?”
“Well……..”
“Yes?”
“I think maybe I am liking all dah alley’s.”
“Alley’s?”
“Yes…….alley’s is being dah little wiggly roads dat are being too small for proper cars.”
“Ah! Yes indeedy. All those little cobbled streets are rather quaint.”
“Dey are perfect.”
“Really! You surprise me. I thought you liked large, straight and neat.”
“Yes but my cat part like’s alley’s betterer.”

Everything is Bigger and Better in America

Our daily route in our huge hire car on the tiny little roads in England on holiday.






Ooo the excitement!







If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

How to make your own Votive hurricane lantern

Yes, this is not so much a ‘get organized’ post as a ‘have a daily do-able activity for the children’ post.
You will need:-
A jam jar
A tea light
An old wire hanger
Narrow gauge [easy to bend] wire
Wire cutters
Beads or chopped up drinking straws as a substitute and even more 'green' beads.

Thread the beads onto wire and secure each end so they don't fall off.

Cut a length of wire long enough to go all the way around the rim of the jar and make a handle.

Thread the beads onto the long wire first and then secure around the rim and fashion a handle.

Pop the tealight inside and voila. Make sure you hang it in a safe place as is does get very hot which is why a longer handle is better. Hang far away from anything flammable.






Children need a lot of help with this one but motivation is pivotal. The motivation here has nothing to do with making a craft or creating something pretty and function. It's all about the motive, namely, although you may not immediately recognize it, you have just made a 'moth attractor.' Now you may experience the true joy of sitting in the garden in the semi darkness with your moth attractor and children and a great many flying insects, some of which might be moths but I'm sure the majority of them are mosquitoes.

Parents are advised to sit on their hands as swatting "nature's friends" is likely to prove counter productive. The lawyer in me would describe this activity as an "attractive nuisance."

Welcome Home

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

This is the first thing we saw when be tried to blunder in the garage door after a 12 hour flight:-
















A big improvement on the tatty old aid memoires, check lists and prompts that are usually on that door.

Sea of Clouds

[or why a significant speech delay is such a nebulous thing]

“I am love.”
“Indeed you are dear! Anything in particular that you find favour with today?”
“Yes,” comes the enthusiastic breathy sharer, “I am love the natures.”
“Which particular part of nature?”
“The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter “pictures.”

Nesting Jetlag

Get the code:-
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below

<a href="http://www.lighteningonline.com/"><img src="http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q158/mmcewen/smiley-saturday-1.jpg" /></a>

The Nature of things

The Nature of things
As with most things around here, I have no idea where it came from, but now it’s here, it provides a whole heap of motivation as well as no end of hic-cups for inattentive parents. For some children, the ability to communicate verbally ebbs and flows, with backlogs and blockages, but sometimes we drown in an unexpected flood.
“Agh!”
“What? Are you o.k.? What’s the matter dear?”
My son fizzes and hops around the kitchen on stiff stick legs and springy toes as the words percolate up from the depths.
“No!”
“No what?”
“Don’t!”
“Don’t what?”
“Agh!”
“!”
“Don’t touch my nature!”
“Where is your nature……..what is……..your nature?”
“Agh!”
He thrusts out a helpful pointy arm to assist me but as he is also spinning in a circle I fail to nail down the point of interest.
“Er….?”
He stops dead to turn his entire body into an arrow where his nose directs attention to the counter top and an overturned glass that covers a pebble.
“Ah…….it’s a pebble……..how…….nice.”
“No! It is being my nature. She is being my friend.”
“You have a pebble for a friend……..how lovely.”
“NO!”
He gingerly lifts away the glass and peers closely at the pet rock, nudges it gently with his forefinger, “Agh! She is goned!”
“Who is goned…..gone?”
“My friend is lost!”
“Ah…..some kind of insect perhaps?”
“Yes. My rolly polly friend.”
“Ah……she rolled away I suspect.”
“Do not be laugh at my nature friend.”
“Sorry…….I…..”
“You are bad to laugh at nature.”
“Yes….sorry……lets look under the rock shall we?”
The rolly polly is revealed in all it’s glorious magnificence for my son to ooo and ahh over with tender gentle words of adoration. He stops, silent and grasps my wrist between his teeth, the same as a crocodile carries her young. We experience a rare instance of direct eye contact before he releases me.
“Itsa rule!”
“What is?”
“Itsa like the laws of physics.”
“What is like the laws of physics?”
“Be kind to mother nature’s creatures……..or she’ll bite you in the butt.”

I like to think that my own performance might have been better, had it not been 3 in the morning, but I suspect that the jet lag excuse may be running a bit thin.

The Fleshpots of England

Maybe people have super-sized themselves during the last year or more probably, there has been a gradual expansion in girth over the past decade whilst I have been distracted by other things.

I am uncertain if people are really larger or whether fashion changes have meant that our bodies are more exposed as clothing becomes ever more skippy and close fitting. Whatever the reason, my son observes over a number of days. We are at the coast where holiday makers are prone to wear holiday clothes and swimsuits, very small ones. I notice him looking without comment. Eventually, after much thought he sees fit to share his opinion with me.
“Mom!”
“Yes dear?”
“Dah peoples in England………”
“Yes…….?”
“Dah peoples in England are………”
“Yes?”
“Dah peoples in England are very…..skin……skin……..skinny.”
I’m sure it was very welcome news to everyone within a five mile radius at 50 decibels.

Curiously the boys were not in the least fazed by the numerous topless sunbathers however my daughter, being in the pre-teen stage of delicacy, was thoroughly mortified.



If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

Happy Holidays [19]

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-













Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who's afraid of the "Big Bad Wolf"
2. It's a "dog's Life."
3. "Street Talk."
4. "International Translations."

5. "The Sleeping Life."
6. "The difference between sarcasm and Irony."
7. "Eat your Words."
8. "Spoonfeeding."
9. "Old Fogies."
10. "Her Royal Hightness."
11. "A right Dog's Breakfast."
12. "How to insult someone in a foreign language."
13. "Notable Quote."

14. "Literal Minded."
Cheers dears

Happy Holidays [18]

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-











Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who's afraid of the "Big Bad Wolf"
2. It's a "dog's Life."
3. "Street Talk."
4. "International Translations."

5. "The Sleeping Life."
6. "The difference between sarcasm and Irony."
7. "Eat your Words."
8. "Spoonfeeding."
9. "Old Fogies."
10. "Her Royal Hightness."
11. "A right Dog's Breakfast."
12. "How to insult someone in a foreign language."
13. "Notable Quote."

14. "Literal Minded."
Cheers dears

Happy Holidays [17]

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-










Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who's afraid of the "Big Bad Wolf"
2. It's a "dog's Life."
3. "Street Talk."
4. "International Translations."

5. "The Sleeping Life."
6. "The difference between sarcasm and Irony."
7. "Eat your Words."
8. "Spoonfeeding."
9. "Old Fogies."
10. "Her Royal Hightness."
11. "A right Dog's Breakfast."
12. "How to insult someone in a foreign language."
13. "Notable Quote."

14. "Literal Minded."
Cheers dears

Happy Holidays [16]

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-









Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who's afraid of the "Big Bad Wolf"
2. It's a "dog's Life."
3. "Street Talk."
4. "International Translations."

5. "The Sleeping Life."
6. "The difference between sarcasm and Irony."
7. "Eat your Words."
8. "Spoonfeeding."
9. "Old Fogies."
10. "Her Royal Hightness."
11. "A right Dog's Breakfast."
12. "How to insult someone in a foreign language."
13. "Notable Quote."

14. "Literal Minded."
Cheers dears

Happy Holidays [15]

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-







Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who's afraid of the "Big Bad Wolf"
2. It's a "dog's Life."
3. "Street Talk."
4. "International Translations."

5. "The Sleeping Life."
6. "The difference between sarcasm and Irony."
7. "Eat your Words."
8. "Spoonfeeding."
9. "Old Fogies."
10. "Her Royal Hightness."
11. "A right Dog's Breakfast."
12. "How to insult someone in a foreign language."
13. "Notable Quote."

14. "Literal Minded."
Cheers dears