Trying not to be critical

Doors in America are so stupid. Actually, that may be a little sweeping? [translation = an exaggeration] Perhaps it’s just Californian doors. [translation = a 'specific,' over generalisation] It’s bound to be to do with the architects or contractors, I expect. [tranlsation = wild guess {sub translation = some kind of non specific 'ism'}]It will be something to do with earthquakes, I'll bet you. [translation = they always use that old excuse.] Example = 'yes, we built your house out of something that resembles matchsticks, so that you won’t be buried in a pile of rubble and bricks when the next one comes.' A likely story!


I mean what idiot would put doors in a house without any key holes? Doors are supposed to have locks. I’m not fussed about the key or anything. It’s not as if I want to lock the doors, although that might not be such a bad idea come to think of it. No it’s the key hole I lack. All these doors and no key holes. What were they thinking of? I won’t go into a full attack on those stupid pocket doors. [translation = sliding doors that disappear back into the framework, nothing to do with 'pockets' at all, that's just there to confuse you.] I mean it’s not as if we live on a boat where quite frankly, pocket doors should remain.

How is any self respecting mother supposed to spy on her children, if there are no key holes? Have you ever tried trying to peer under a door where the gap is, the big and unnecessary gap, which no doubt is again excused by having something to do with earthquakes. [translation = just makes the house drafty] Yes, we make doors with big gaps at the top and the bottom so that in the event of an earthquake you’ll be able to escape underneath the locked door, if it were locked, which it won’t be, because there isn’t any lock nor a key.

You can get a serious crick in your neck trying to peek under them, doors that is to say. It’s a disgrace. I want them all ripped out and replaced with doors that have key holes. There again I could have them replaced by glass doors, that would sort it out. Actually doors with one way mirrors, like they have in police stations. Or even made of something that you could hear through too, that would be even better.

There they sit together at well gone nine in the evening, no night, after eight, it’s night, really it is. They’re playing together. They’re playing together very quietly and not fighting. But I can’t hear what they’re saying. I need to be able to hear what they’re saying so that I can check whether this is a worthwhile play experience, sort of 'free therapy' after hours, which should probably be charged at double the going rate. If they’re just messing about, then I can bowl in there and send them back to bed and be done with it. [translation = they’ll just be being naughty. {sub translation = failing to use time appropriately}] But I can’t risk cutting short a valuable exchange, a practice session at the old social skills and reciprocity.

[translation = I think they’re just two mischievous siblings.] But that’s not so bad. [translation = a good thing]