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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Air freshener fails to alleviate the stench

Strangely I have always considered senior daughter to be our family environmentalist. As we live in the States, she is there to remind us where we are going wrong. Her views are pretty mainstream as far as Europeans are concerned but extreme for our American cousins. For example, rather than use the car to go and collect the turkey for the holiday festivities, she cycled. She returned on her bike with the fowl in her back pack after a two and a half hour round trip.

I will avoid mention of her views on toilets, since I need to avoid scatological references as I am a Brit. I had not considered that there was a possibility that somebody else might climb on the band wagon, to ceremoniously beat our conscious and sub-conscious selves. It is therefore with some surprise that I engage my youngest son in conversation. I enquire why he is pinching his nostrils shut?

“Because of the badest smell!” he screams, keeping his distance. I struggle to gain a purchase on his person and park him on my lap to extract further details. He writhes and wriggles making retching noises. Loud ones.
“What is the badest smell dear?”
“It is you! You are the badest smell. You are worster than peanuts!”
My! That bad!
“You don’t think I smell very nice?”
“NO!” I didn’t really need clarification there, more a moment to gather my wits.
“What can we do about that problem?” He pauses to gaze at the ceiling awaiting inspiration.
“I know! You can be living somewhere else?”
“Where would you suggest?”
“In dah garden. You can be living in dah garden in a tent.”
“But I hate camping!”
“You won’t be ‘dah camping,’ you will be dah living dere.”
So much logic! I need to re-configure my brain.
“But I don’t want to live in a tent in the garden. I will be lonely. Won’t you be lonely without me?”
What a stupid question. Any first year lawyer knows that you should never ask a question that you cannot predict the answer to.
“You will be lonely but I will be stinky free.”
I am somewhat flummoxed, not for the first time. Spouse sticks his head around the door to clarify:
“it’s the Marmite! You didn’t clean your teeth and gargle with mouthwash before you breathed on him.”

It would appear that the health and well being of a fellow human being, is less important than a pollutant free environment. [Ref 1]

[Ref 1] ecocentrism

after ECOCENTRIC adj.
The view or belief that environmental concerns should take precedence over the needs and rights of human beings considered in isolation.


Mark said...

Had to look up Marmite for that one. Interesting stuff. What do you eat it with?

Sarah said...

hahaha, marmite, that's hilarious!

Mom to Mr. Handsome said...

I also had to look up marmite.
Dictionary.com said earthenware?

Oh....Am I screaming "American" yet?

I can surmize that it's a soup cooked in a pot (?) Am I even close? lol

Happy New Year,

kristina said...

Charlie does not seem to be fearful of some rather bad smells, or smells that I would prefer not to have to breathe in too deep----he did not want any bit of the salted fish on some of the Chinese food my parents ordered for him in California though...

Cat said...

My son is fine with the smells it is the sounds. It took me forever to figure out that he didn't want the bottom of his sneakers to get wet because of the squeaking sound they made.

Happy New Year...

Jerry Grasso said...

I'm wondering more or less what the deal with is with peanuts? Why do they smell so bad? :-)

AshleyLeo said...

Your eldest daugher is so incredible! As are your curious wee ones....

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