Beauty tip of the day - biproduct of product

"Good shower?" he asks as I appear in the kitchen.
"Er yes, I think." I rub my head with a towel and watch junior roll around on the hard wood floor, one index finger inserted in each nostril.
"What's up?"
"Not sure, there's something wrong with my hair. But he's doing well! Can you see he how brave his fingers are being? Wouldn't have seen that a couple of years ago."
"Hmm, I suppose so." His hand brushes my arm, "how come you're so sticky?"
"Er, not sure."
"Is that some kind of new 'wet look' hair gel?" I pull a strand or two of limp hair out of my eyes, "just conditioner," I haver.
"Where are your glasses?"
"Can't find them. Is he o.k. he's making a very strange noise?"
"He was alright until you appeared."
"Really?" I hunker down to try and decrease the tempo of his rocking so that we can attempt communication. The retching noises are difficult to miss.
"What is it dear?" I rub the shoulder that offers easy access and wait. A couple of minutes later, he recovers enough to escape, commonly referred to as the 'fight or flight' response, but he's kind enough to clarify as he departs, "you are the stinkiest!" I look at my life partner hoping for further and better particulars;
"It does pong a bit,.......but I like it really!" I nip back upstairs to check, as I suddenly have an inkling. [translation = clue]

On the counter I find two identical tubes of gloop. One is hair gloop, the other is body gloop, neither is perfume free. Moral - wear your bifocals before selecting a product to avoid suffocation.