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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Multiplication


“Do they breed?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Breed?”
“Who”
“Lizards. I mean, not do they breed but how do they breed?”
I'm not convinced that his emphasis clarifies his question? I look into the bleary eyes of my husband. [translation = significant other] Is it morning or night, if you return home from work at 3 and it’s still dark?
“Well don’t quote me, but I have my suspicions.”
“Do you think we should check on-line what sex they are?”
“I’ll add it to me ‘to do’ list if you like. Put your mind at rest.”
“Don’t you think that one is looking a bit pudgey?” We peer into the aquarium.
“What it is?” pounces Junior.
“What is what dear?”
“Dah ‘pudgey’?” he blurts.
“Fat.”
“He is not dah fat! He is dah cute.” Never insult a lizard regardless of the time of day.
"Maybe he's about to have a growing spurt?" I offer.
"Maybe, perhaps grow a bit longer."
"Dey don't shed, it is dah "snakes dat are shed," not lizards."
“That’s as well as may be,” spouse adds, raking his hair. "Let's not get bogged down in "that" again."
“What it is?”
“What is what, dear?”
“Dah ‘may be’? It is dah same as dah ‘maybe’?”
Spouse leans on the edge of the table, fingertips tented and breathes deeply. He swallows a yawn at five minutes past six in the morning, before continuing, “well he may also be pregnant.”
I look at my husband. He looks at me. His eyes widen, slightly. We both know, that it didn’t come out quite right. We look at junior and wait for the question.

It doesn’t come. Instead he asks “how many?”
“How many what dear?”
“How many dah babies he is having? Er…….eggs dat are havin dah babies inside of dah shell?”
Oh great. Just great.
“I’ll leave you to explain that one dear, I have toast to burn.”

7 comments:

Lene said...

Oh you have to love those kind of conversations...lol

I love your last line! classic!

Jerry Grasso said...

I think this is exactly what your family needs, baby lizards...the more the merrier...right?

Erin said...

lol!

tegdirb92 said...

you have some wonderful kids :)

Gwen said...

So I guess you are the wrong person to ask if lizards are anything like rabbits?

Your blog is an interesting place (translation=I like it!).

chrisd said...

I laughed out loud. I can picture your husband standing there, bleary eyed.

Too funny!

a mommy said...

This should be fun. . .best of luck with baby lizards! Great post.

 
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