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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Sweet dreams























I arrive just as spouse is tucking them in to bed. “Right, so no pull-up then!” he announces in a booming tone. I stop dead and pout. No pull-up? Who is he to determine withdrawal of pull-up privileges? Is he responsible for the laundry? The inevitable carpet cleaning? Now there’s a man who is totally out of line. I think about pulling rank. I decide to keep my own counsel instead, and content myself with thoughts of the following morning’s ‘I told you so scene.’

The nerve of the man!

I kiss my children good night, hide my pout and return downstairs to smolder. What could he have been thinking, to change the rules in such are arbitrary fashion? No preamble, no warning, no carefully implemented campaign. The man must be completely barmy? I can think of no rational reason why he should have chosen tonight to turn the bed time routine upside down. I froth, stew and steam. [translation = voodoo dolls] I won’t have time to do an additional load of laundry tomorrow. The knock on effects could be earth shattering! No spare bed linen. Bare bed. More upset to bed time routine. No sleep for anyone. Curse the man!

In between fumes, I consider my own plan. It’s not as if we haven’t attempted this ‘dry at night’ campaign before, it’s just that it has yet to be successful. There’s no reason that we shouldn’t implement a new campaign, we just need careful thought beforehand. How can I have ‘beforehand’ if we’re already after? [translation = failure at the first fence is not a good reinforcer] All campaigns must be orchestrated with the finesse of a conductor. I suppress a growl. Spouse looks across at me. He is unable to detect the steam coming out of my ears, “are you alright love?”
“Fine!”
“Anything wrong?”
“No, nothing. I’m fine, just fine!” I do my best flounce and depart. [translation = high dudgeon] I swear he the most annoying person on the planet. Who does he think he is? Why is the other adult in the household such a complete nit wit. The venom and bile accumulate, but are well leashed.

I debate whether I should lift him later before we go to bed ourselves. Should I haul 56 pounds of sleeping boy onto the toilet? I decide to delete. I stomp back into the family room, because flouncing more than once in any one day, decreased it's impact. "You'll be o.k. lifting him later?" I announce rhetorically. He blinks in my direction, "er, sure, if that's what you want?"
"Me? What I want? And how exactly do my 'wants' suddenly come into the equation now?"
"Hmm what?"
"You asked if that is what 'I want,' but you weren't concerned with my wants when you pulled the pull-ups!" I snap with the perfect enunciation of the truly incensed.
"Pulled? Pull-ups? What are you on about?"
"You told him he didn't have to wear a pull up, without us talking about it first!" I squeak. [translation = and inadvertently spit at the same time]
"Ah! I see."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"What do you have to say for yourself!" [translation = Lummy! I've turned into my husband's mummy]
"Well, I er, didn't have much choice really." I wait. I wait a bit longer. I suppress a sigh. "Why did you have no choice?"
"Well, it was him wasn't it."
"What was him?"
"Him,... I mean..., he said it, he asked, er, he said he didn't want to wear a pull up any more...... now that he was a big boy, although......those weren't the words he used.........but that's what he meant,.......I think, yes, that's what he meant, I'm quite sure."
"Well why didn't you tell me that in the first place! That changes everything!"


Moral – before you flounce, feel free to ferret around for the facts first.

9 comments:

Steve G said...

All's well that ends well. Nice ending.

Heidi said...

nah... better just flounce, in case they have done something wrong. Just to be on the safe side. Better not risk a missed opportunity to flounce for the benefit of the doubt! And anyway, surely there must be an incident in the past that went unflounced.

I had to admit this morning that I was wrong and he was right. It was horrible. I hope it never happens again.

Jeni said...

Gotta agree with the idea on the "flouncing" there - leave no stone unturned you know!
Every now and again, Maya will tell us she wants to wear "unniewears" but then, later will come and ask for "dragontails" (meaning pull-ups)although she is still dry and clean. But suggesting to her that she sit on the potty can easily bring on a massive meltdown then as she usually wants no part at all of that contraption! ARRGH!

The Shepcarpclan said...

Why couldn't he have just said that in the first place? They just assume we know what went on, like we have our mind reading skills in top condition at all times. My dh does that too, just assumes I know all these things ahead of time.

Mom to JBG said...

Hurray! Any progress which involves the word "pull-up" is big news, but a self-initiated pull-up milestone is a major headline.

Linda said...

I always prefer to flounce first and offer apologies (if warranted!) later! Besides, he could have told you that your son had requested no pull-ups and shared that with you so you didn't have to sit and stew about it until you'd built up a good head of steam and had no choice but to flounce.

See? It's really all your spouse's fault and you were quite innocent in all of this. Men! They just need to learn how to communicate!

dgibbs said...

Have been in this same "HOW DARE HE!, Should I pull rank?" situation many times myself. I am sorry to say I may not have handled as well as you did.

John Wills Lloyd said...

I love it! I'll have to say that I heard it coming when you went into the extended bit about flouncing (teehee), but the twist at then end still wasn't what I'd expected.

Mark Twain's sage observation corresponds with yours: "It is wiser to find out than to suppose."

Jerry Grasso said...

Waiting until you get all of the relevant facts in front of you? That is not marriage. ;-)

 
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