Translators are few and far between

Some parents have a difficult time with their autistic children, especially if those children have difficulties with speech.


The main difficulty that these parents have, if they’re like me, is when they are out and about without their speech delayed children,........ speaking.


I think it must be something to do with expectations. I expect to encounter difficulties with my children. I do not expect to encounter difficulties with grown up people who are neither autistic nor speech delayed.

Somehow or other, I expect that we will be able to understand each other.

***

I tackle the prescription refills first and take advantage of the automated prescription refill telephone system. I have a difficult time because the machine does not recognize an English accent. I have a difficult time because the machine’s ability to understand an English accent is further complicated by the Pokemon shrieks in the background. I expect the follow up telephone call from the pharmacy when they try to unscramble the message:-

“Sorry but we can’t refill your prescription.”
“Oh dear. What should I do then?”
“Phone your primary care physician.”
“But I already have. I phoned them before I phoned you.”
“Well I can’t refill a C1 drug.”
“C1?”
“It’s a controlled drug.”
“I know, that’s why I have a prescription, otherwise I’d just nip over to Target and pick some up off the shelf.”
“Yeah but this is a C1 controlled drug, you just can’t have a refill.”
“So how does one obtain a controlled C1 drug?”
“With a prescription.”
“?”

***

“How very uncivilized!”
“Uncivilized?”
“6:30 is such an ungodly hour of the day!”
“Well the boys are usually up at 5 or thereabouts, so I don’t think we’ll have any difficulty.”
“How far away will you have to drive her?”
“Only up to Palo Alto. At that time of the day they’ll be hardly any traffic. It’ll only take 20 minutes.”
“I seriously don’t understand why she has to be there so early in the morning! At the weekend! It’s unthinkable.”
“People get up much earlier in the morning out here.”
“Why?”
“Well for one thing it’s daylight, whereas it’s still dark as night in England.”
“You never used to be up so early in the morning.”
“I get up when it’s light.”
“Exactly! You’ve grown very peculiar in America.”

***

At 7:35 on a Sunday morning, I order breakfast for myself and the children.
“Would you like coffee with that?”
“No thank you.”
“Decaff?”
“No thanks.”
“Mimosa?”
“What is a Mimosa?”
“Champagne and orange juice.”
“Er…..no thank you.”
“You sure? They’re on special!”
“Really, no thank you.”
“O.k. jus thought it might help.”

Help with what I wonder? The Highway Patrol or Child Protective Services?

***

He head buts my calf, “Mom?”
“Yes dear.”
“Why for I am be? Meeoooow!”
“You’re being a cat.”
“No. Only part of me is being dah cat.”
“Which parts of you are a cat?”
“Dah noisy part and dah cuddly part.”

It's as if they all speak for foreign language, except for the imaginative little liar!

Or should that be the thief with the camera!