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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Questions of an existential nature

There are the big ones, like ‘why does autism exist?’ and then there are a whole host of other scientific issues, such as ‘how can a four foot square cushion disappear?’ although that is probably a physics question, or maybe a physical one. I think it’s a mathematical problem involving ‘cubic metres of child’[ren] versus volume of cushion, but weight to strength ratios would be a contributing factor or maybe a variable?

This is not some namby pamby lightweight fluffy American cushion. Oh no! This is a heavy duty, won’t dent if you punch it, dead body weight kind of a British cushion and probably pre-war although I can’t authenticate that.

If your pincher grip is fair, the average cushion can be picked up by a corner and tossed through a gentle arc to the sofa. Our version is more like a collection of house bricks with a fabric coating for the sake of appearance and about as comfortable too. It doubles as a step if you need to reach a high cupboard. A building contractor or body builder might be able to heave it up and lob it, but on impact it would kill the victim stone dead. Even if this were not true, it’s shear bulk means that you can’t stick it up your jumper and pretend to be pregnant.

We could be critical and list it’s many faults as a household item, but the main point is that this is not something that is easy to lose. You need to try very hard to lose it. If we ignore it’s deficiency of purpose, why would you want to lose it in the first place? Maybe the real question is ‘who’ would want to lose it, which in turn begs the question ‘who’ would be sufficiently motivated by ‘what’ to lose it?

This is a variation of what the experts tell us to do for determining the cause of meltdowns, the antecedent, and it’s a good one that I would highly recommend, it’s just that it’s not so easy to put into practice. This time I’m in luck. I find the cushion. It has a couple of Pokemon on it which tells me the ‘who.’ I find the ‘who’ so that I can enquire as to the ‘why.’

“What are the Pokemon doing on the cushionshttp://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif? Are they playing?” It is supposedly helpful to suggest an answer in the hope to trigger a response.
“No dey are not playing.”
“Oh. Having a little rest maybe?”
“No dey are not dah rest.”
“Not asleep.”
“O.k. You tell me, what are they doing?”
“Dey are camouflaging.” Are they really? Not bad. Good colour match, if a little obvious now he comes to mention it, easily picked off by a sniper. There again, it’s his brother that colour obsessed. Junior’s "visual acuity" is usually second to none.
“So they are!"
"It is camouflage like "Gecky."" Good follow up comment matey, and voluntary.
"Good job Pokemon, they blend in so well with the colours.”
“No stoopid! Dey are just being dah friends of dah dat one, Serviper.”
“Which one is Serviper?”
“Dah lickle guy dat looks like dah zig zag.”

Well, this is the planet that we exist on. Not everyone is as gifted as him at "pattern recognition."


Jerry Grasso said...

Don't we all wish we could be like lizard some days?

Anonymous said...

He had you there Mom :) I didn't notice the zigzag until you did the close up pick.


Lisa/Jedi said...

I live on that planet, too! Want some Pokemon hats? :)

a mommy said...

God, another resident of that planet here! Resonates on so many levels, right down to the lovely (mostly) article-free speech pattern. Only we are Yugi-Oh freaks here on this subcontinent of planet cartoon obsession. And likewise massive pattern fiends.

Great post. Great camo.

AmericaninNewEnglad said...

Namby pamby? I BEG your British pardon!? LOL! Here's the link you wanted.


If you google Indiana Star Diane Harper you'll link to a site that has a tiny url from which you find the above monster url.

Redcoats..... grumbling American.....

dimwittedyankee said...

Well, had you asked for the link you might appreciate it - however you did NOT ask for the link! It was another commenter. Boy we Yankees are dim! Sorry!

kristina said...

Hidden in plain sight----there is order in the world, we just have to look for it as they see it.

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