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Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Action Mum’s New Year’s Resolutions

Better late than never!

1. Kill anything living in the refridgerator before it goes forth and multiplies.

2. Endeavour to regularly rotate the piles of clean laundry stacked on the sofa.

3. Fully evaluate cost/benefit analysis of moving to Canada.

4. Train cats to appreciate that children are their friends, not the enemy.

5. Train children to appreciate that confining cats in small places means that they’ll visit the Humane Society [the cats, that is to say.]

• Curb enthusiasm for tumble drier
• No! The tumble drier is not ‘big.’

6. Read paper daily to improve brain capacity

7. Seriously consider advice re
‘you deserve it.’
Find some useless, expensive pastime to indulge in. Short list possibilities;

a. Book club [remember that you’re teetering on maximum brain capacity!]
b. Tennis [you’re clothing would never be white enough and you would also increase pile of laundry on the sofa]
c. Become a ‘lady who lunches.’ Reconsider post jaw surgery and braces.

8. Commence new beauty routine to ward off advancing decrepitude;
• Cleanse, tone and moisturize twice a day OR
• Wash face with Dial [translation Fairy Liquid!] if you manage to remember.

9. Research self improvement courses;
check availability for 11:30 p.m. to 2 a.m.

10. Invent labour saving device to continuously suck all dirt from house. [Consider consequences for self prior to commencement e.g. unemployment]

11. Avoid lawsuit from neighbours; train children to wear at least one garment of clothing [preferably around the nether regions] by Summer. [2007 not 2008] Nakedness is no longer acceptable now that we are all Americans. N.B. hats don't count for the purpose of clothing categorization.

12. Keep large hall cupboard permanently empty so that all ‘mess’ can be hurled inside at short notice to achieve instant ‘Homes and Gardens’ effect.

13. Count on fingers [and toes] blessings.
[Limit this exercise to once only, in any 24 hour period to avoid becoming too much of a fluffy bunny {translation = American}]

Perish the thought!


kristina said...

Guess I'm a rabbit.....I like #12; to #7 and #8: cosmetics shopping and visits to the day spa (ha!---that's me, though).


Yes,Yes,Yes,Yes..........to all your resolutions.
Are we telepathic, do we think alike or does autism create a life style that thousands of miles cannot separate?
I dread the knock on the door and the fridge police!

Cat said...

I am with mother of many, maybe we should form a club or something...

Lynanne said...

Oh how I laughed at these! Great resolutions!

I've been meaning to thank you for your kind comments on my blog. It ment a lot to me that you stopped by. I've been enjoying reading your writing but have lots of catching up to do. I look forward to reading more!

AshleyLeo said...

I was laughing and loving every number, especially the one about classes at night! Thanks for making me smile today.

KC's Blog said...

I love the first resolution the most! Your kids are the cutest!

Luna said...

The classes at night, and the clothing resolutions-both the wearing of, and the shuffling of piles of, both sounded like resolutions I would make.
Thank you for stopping by my page-It meant alot to have a comment at just the right time.

Mark said...

Excellent resolutions! For the expensive, useless "hobby" you could choose the salon. I know it's expensive, and I've heard some people like it.

jypsy said...

Consider Prince Edward Island....
but you won't find that squeezable Marmite here. (You buy that there or import it?!)

Attila the Mom said...

What a fabulous list!! I love it!

Camera Obscura said...

3. Fully evaluate cost/benefit analysis of moving to Canada.


A whole new wardrobe for everyone. Baby, it's cold up there!


Not having to translate so many of your thoughts in to "American" before you speak them -- you can ask for a serviette and not a nappy when you want to wipe your fingers.

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