I have moved over to WhittereronAutism.com. Please follow the link to find me there. Hope to see you after the jump! :)

Friday, July 25, 2008

Cart me off to the funny farm

I take my BRAT’s [*] to celebrate Nonna’s unBirthday at Chilli’s, a delightfully noisy and sticky establishment.

Both boys lack any muscle function and lie splayed on the empty benches. I park one on my lap and clamp the other to my side.

As they are now quite large children, I have the distinct impression that I resemble a Ventriloquist, but that’s paranoia for you. A group of young persons giggle and whisper behind their hands, wrapped in the public eye of exposure and embarrassment in equal proportions. “Dey are be rude?” he enquires.
“Make a U-turn if possible!” bellows his brother, fortunately muffled by the bundle of fleece jackets tucked under my other arm.
“Not really, they’re just at that stage.”
“Wot stage?”
“Make a U-turn if possible!”
“Try and use your indoor voice dear! Er the stage when…….you are the centre of the universe.”
“Nevermind……they’re not being rude, just……private.”
“You are say it rude to be whisper.”
“Make a U-turn if possible!”
“Quiet inside voice lovie. Er…..there’s different kinds of whispering……ooo look the thingummy is buzzing, our table must be ready.” Perhaps we should all try and whisper?

Our party of five lumbers in the general direction of the table with only a few false starts and stumbles. Nonna fumbles for her glasses so I offer to read it aloud.

“Pardon! What you say?” she asks in her thick Italian accent. I detect that her hearing aides are also adrift.

The server appears for our drinks order. My eldest son makes a valiant attempt. I wait until she’s left, “well done dear, very polite indeed. Next time shall we speak a bit louder so that she can hear you better in this noisy place?” He grins hugely, so grown up.

“What is dis?” asks Nonna pointing at a menu description. I guide her hand to the picture, “ah! I see.”

By the time the server returns, we have our choices ready, so does my youngest son who bellows “I want chocolate milk and fries please!” An extreme event for a neophobic! The server leans back from the blast but manages a smile.

Orders placed, server departed, I reach over to him, “great job young man! Maybe you can try and use your indoor voice next time?”
“You said louder..er….er……louder!”
“Yes I know I did. Louder for him, quieter for you.”
“You say no whisper!”
“I know but….” I am interrupted by the arrival of a group of servers at the next booth, who break into an even louder “happy birthday chorus.” Both the boys clamp their hands over their ears. My sons look at me, accusingly. They slip under the table to engage in their brand new interest, lumps of chewing gum. Ideally I should like them to sit on their hands. Alternatively, I would just like them to sit, preferably on the chairs.

The food arrives in a timely fashion. “What is dis?” asks Nonna tapping her country fried steak with her knife.
“What you say?”
“It’s steak,” I add, slightly louder with precise diction and enunciation.
“Country fried steak.”
“Again please, I can’t hear you properly.”
“ S…t…e…a…k,” I spell.
“Pardon me, again?”
STEAK!” I yell, turning ever so slightly puce in the face. The boys look at me, eyes like saucers, frozen. I hear him whisper “she is mad?”

Maybe I am, or very soon will be.

[*] Beautifully Rambunctious Autistic Tribe
Rats to you Mr. Savage.

Here is another blog that's newish to me that you might enjoy, "The Funny Farm." Need somewhere to start? How about here on her post called "
Love me some Bean,"
coz you know I'm a little biased. Don't forget to say hello to her!

In addition, here's another new favourite that's really an old favourite before I lost all my bookmarks called "Send Chocolate." If this IS new to you then you might like to start here on her insightful post called "What I learned." If that's not community spirited then I don't know what is!

There again, I think I could do a lot worse that sign myself up for "Julie's" "camp." I wonder if they have a height limit?

What was that?

Age limit?

Ooo you big rudey!

Cheers dears

Comment of the week award

[Inspired by "Scribbit."]

Goes to............

"Shelia" from "The Crooked made Straight."

Her comment was on the "Impartial" post.

She commented as follows:-

"He is AWESOME and the way you describe him is LOVELY. We see him and you and Dad! We are there with you in the moment. We get the humor, feel the frustration, and yet experience all of the beauty encapsulated in your lives together."

I was already grumpy. I had also recently received an email from someone who claimed affinity with my perspective on autism. Someone who agreed with the title "Cold hearted empty shell." Someone who is unfamiliar with sarcasm.

It played on my mind. I wondered whether I should drop the sarcasm? Maybe I should pretend that we live a charmed perfect life? Maybe I should moan about the miserable bits? Maybe I should stop blogging altogether?

Not everyone likes to comment publicly, some people email me privately instead, but it's feedback that lets me know whether the message is coming through.

I don't like crossed lines.

Very, very cross.

I came stomping into the house after fighting with a truculent tropical tree, when the fork broke. Shelia's message came zinging through, loud and clear.

Maybe I should rename it as 'Sanity Citation' or a 'Certificate of Sanity'? Either way, grateful thanks.

So if you are new to her blog, I would recommend that you could grasp the 'flavour' from this posting called "Turn the Other cheek."

Certainly made me think.

Cheers dears

Newbie here!

Whilst it's not really my place to say, I'd also like the opportunity to introduce you to a new blogger of my acquaintance, although we're well on the way to getting to know one another. Here we have "Joy Mama" who blogs over at "Elvis Sightings".

Ideally I'd like to do the linky blog roll thingummy but I haven't quite fathomed how to do that on Wordpress - my bad!

So if you have a few moments, pop along and say hi! or 'have a frightfully gorgeous day' as you will.

If this is a new one for you, then you might like to start here at her posting called "Good fences, good neighbours," as it makes a super introduction.

Cheers dears

AddThis Social Bookmark Button