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Friday, January 05, 2007


Number one on the ‘to do’ list is still untouched ;
1. Find special needs nanny

I ignore number one and add 177, namely, visit library and pay fines. Soon I will have jaw surgery. This will finalise my transformation into a true American. It took the dentist 7 years to persuade me that this was a ‘must,’ not an optional extra. Three visits ‘home’ convinced me.
It’s a genetic thing. Teeth that don’t join anywhere. This means that you swallow your food whole.
This means that you get a lot of tummy aches.

People think that I am an exceptionally polite person, because I eat everything with a knife and fork. People do not see useless teeth that do not join, because I also have a genetic stiff upper lip.

I determine that whatever it is that I’m going to ‘achieve’ today, it will not involve use of the telephone. It is at that moment, that it rings,
“Hi Maddy! How’s the nanny search going?” says the Muse. Her cheery tone is not appreciated but as it is 9:05 a.m. she knows that I won’t bark at her.
[translation = not a morning person]
“Er, well, it’s top of the list!”
“You’re procrastinating huh?”
The reason one has a ‘muse’ in one’s life is to ensure that one keeps on the straight and narrow. Everyone needs a muse. Ideally they should be local, not just physically, but someone who you can call upon to translate foreign phenomena. Mine, my muse, fullfils the first requirement, but is worse than useless on the second. [translation = deviant American]

“So another year of not being able to eat sandwiches, French bread and corn on the cob?”
“It’s no great loss, that’s why they invented knives and forks.”
“So you’ve basically done nothing. What about those leads I gave you?”
“They’re on the list too.”
“What number?”
“Er, 178 and 179.”
“Great! When is the surgery again?”
“This month?”
“So you basically have less that two weeks to find one.”
“In a nutshell.”

“So this is just an excuse so’s you can cancel it again.”
“Rubbish, of course not! Merely ‘postpone!’”
“At this rate they’ll put you in your coffin still wearing those darned braces!”
“I’ll make sure that they change the elastic bands when they embalm me.”
“Exactly how many times have you canceled the surgery over the last 3 years?”
“I forget.” She’s a kindly soul and doesn’t point out that we both know that I am lying.

I should have had a longer list of criteria for a muse. Now admittedly her psychobabble has been invaluable over the years, but I could do with someone a little more lax. Someone with a little less insight would be handy. Less persistence and attention would be a bonus. She is the sort of person that denies a body ‘wriggle room.’

“Look! I know what you’re afraid of.”
“ME! AFRAID! Have you gone quite mad? [translation = insane not angry] I’ll have you know that I have a very high pain threshold.”

“Depends what kind of ‘pain’ you’re talking about? I know it’s not the surgery itself. ……..you know they’ll be fine, just fine. I don’t like to say it, but you’re not indispensable. The kids’ll be fine, the nanny will do great.”

Damn the woman. She’s fired.


jypsy said...

Apparently jaw surgery "is not that painful" (that's gotta be a relative statement). My Aspie son went through it on my birthday last year and he seems to confirm that fact. Here's the after x-rays - profile and front on. Jaw broken & moved forward 7mm, chin broken and moved forward 6mm. Like you it was a congenital thing, an underdeveloped lower jaw, we've known for years this was going to be done.

One of the hardest part for him was the "no chewing for 6 weeks" (as you can see he wasn't wired shut, he was well plated & screwed) but he soon learned even pizza could be popped into the blender and made smooth enough to eat.... The "no physical exertion" was probably *the* hardest part for him. The day he was given the OK to "resume normal life" the first thing he did was run up the wall and flip over backwards (a freerunning move). The braces on his teeth, there to realign his teeth so they'de go with his new face (he had very straight teeth) will finally be coming off "by the March break if not sooner" after about 2 years (we should find out exactly when on Tuesday).

Hope things go as smoothly with you, if I were closer maybe I could help out, seems I have experience in relevant areas....

jypsy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jypsy said...

oh, and he never lost his sense of humour

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

Hello! Au Pair In American places au pairs (perhaps a Brit!) in homes with kids with autism all the time. We had an au pair from S. Africa -- she was fantastic. An Au Pair is not as expensive as a Nanny. $140/week for 45 hours of child care, you pick the hours. The fee is about $6000 and includes her travel to their HQ in CT, health insurance, VISA fees etc. The drawback is that they are here for one year only - and you need space to house them. It was fantastic for us - and she stayed on when we agreed to STRAIGHTEN HER TEETH -- coincidence!

Good luck. I'd be happy to e-chat if you'd like.


Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

www.aurpairinamerica.com not American.....

Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

Okay...ask my husband. He was in a jet ski accident in 2001 and broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut for six weeks. I think he thought it was painful (sorry). It might have had something to do with the fact he was hit in the head by another jet ski, thankfully, not something you must endure and likely accounted for his pain. I don't think he realized his jaw was broken though...he thought he just lost a tooth. Anyway, six weeks later and a whole lot of empty ENSURE cans, he lost a few pounds and was as good as new.

I know I'm poking a bit of fun here. I just underwent knee surgery which isn't jaw surgery for sure. Anyway, I know about procrastination and in the end, although my knee if up and I'm resting, I know I'll be fine, as will you.

All the best!!

AS said...

Absolutely, fire the muse.

But, ahem, if, uh, you're really going to fire her, well, um, ah, will you let me know...I'll start packing to move west and hire her...she, ah, well, sounds like someone I need in my life...

MOM-NOS said...

Be careful about letting her go so quickly. I could really use a muse around here...

The Jedi Family of Blogs said...

Brendan's 19-year-old mentor & good buddy had this sort of surgery just last Wednesday. They only kept him overnight at the hospital & he was out & about visiting friends the next day- although he was still numb & there's no substitution for youth when it comes to recovery... I can relate to your feelings of not wanting to be absent from your family, though. It's not so much the time away for the surgery, but the recovery time when you just need to rest. It will take a very engaging person to hold them off, I suspect :) When Brendan was younger it took a lot to keep him off if he needed me- no rest for the weary (or recovering :). The former dental researcher in me sincerely hopes you'll bite the bullet (so to speak) & have the surgery... here's to your health!

Sarah said...

I can’t let go of the care of my kids, either. Bob and I have discussed how we would approach marriage and moving if the big M ever came along. It is a huge issue because Bob lives a bit over an hour from me and is self employed doing hardwood flooring. His work comes from referrals so he needs to stay local. AND he makes more money than me. But me, I have a good job with benefits that works with me and my schedule with the kids. All of the kids care, FINALLY, excluding one or two specialists they see quarterly, is in town. They have therapists and friends and schools in my town. He wants me to move there, and I’ll commute to my job, and in exchange, he says he’ll take over the doctors appointments & physical therapy for the kids. AAACKK! How can he ever possibly answer all of my questions? How can he do what I do and do it right? He can’t. No way no how. It freaks me out. Now anyone who knows bob knows he’d probly do okay, but taking me out of the equation just screws me all up.

kristina said...

Now, the question is, what sort of poetry does your Muse preside over---epic, lyric poetry; tragedy........comedy?

My Muse communicates electronically with me.

chrisd said...

Hi there--I'll have to come by and see how your surgery went--I'll be praying for you.

Much love from Chris at Write and Whine.

Resa said...

I had lower jaw surgery in 1999 and it was the best thing I EVER did! Like you I couldn't bite anything in half, pizza, hamburgers, sandwiches etc. I either ate it plain or with a fork. Almost 8 years post surgery and I would do it again. No regrets. My profile is better my teeth line up and meet in all the right places. It's been a while but if you had any questions I'd be happy to help if I can. :) I wish I had some before and after shots for ya. My biggest problem post surgery was sleeping....I'm a tummy sleeper and having to lay on my back to sleep was hard. I like a previous commenter learned that there are thing that taste good coming out of the blender. ;) I know you have kids with special needs, but you'll make it and the kids will survive. :) Best of Luck to ya.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, good luck with the surgery! I am terrified of dentistry, but so glad I finally had a few things done. I hope you get things done well and true this time, and get your Queen treatment.

isabella mori said...

aaah ... you should see my face right now ... trying to laugh and show concern at the same time ... the jaw surgery, wow, yes, add me to the list of people praying for you (if that's alright - or are you atheist?) ... and the muse thing ... i love it ... what a great real life explanation of how this musing/coaching works ...

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