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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Change of Name Deed

I wait patiently, lurking in the shadows, as my boys hang over the edge of the aquarium, bidding a fond farewell to their reptiles.
“We love you ickle wickle ones. Be good boys why we are away!”
“Dey are not boys, idiot!” admonishes one non verbal child, to the older but more severely speech delayed child. The soothing tones with which they coo, are reserved for the animal kingdom. Mankind, does not fair so well in the humane department.
“Do dey have food?”
“Yes, idiot. Look dey have dah healfee foodz!” blurts the neophobic one. He may not eat any of it himself, but he is more than capable of appreciating what a healthy diet might consist of.
“Look at iz lickle claws! Day are so cute. Ain’t you jus dah little gorgeous one!”
“He dah beautiful. He is dah stripey. We love him cutsie wootsie one.”

Oh please! Get on with it won’t you boys. How many compliments can a few small cold blooded creatures take? Don’t you think you’re going a bit over the top? The ‘compliments’ lesson with the speech pathologist, was weeks ago now. How come this skill has to percolate through to the surface right now, just as they’re about to go out. Couldn’t they have delayed the arrival of this skill until they arrived at the restaurant? Couldn’t the average over worked, underpaid server, benefit so much more greatly from the odd kindness? Why waste all these words on reptiles?

Spouse yells at them from the garage, ‘now or never,’ to lure them to the car, to take them to the restaurant, just the four of them, whilst I wait at home, the non eating member of the party. They scamper past me in a blur. I scamper after them just in time to see the garage door close. Hey! What about me! Don’t I get so much as a non verbal hand wave?

Talk about immature, attention seeking behaviour!

I’m seriously thinking of changing my name to ‘lizard.’


Anonymous said...

::snicker:: Did you enjoy your quiet time???


AS said...

Well please, at least get a title with the new name..."Queen," "Princess," or perhaps "CEO"...:o)

Lynanne said...

Oh, I bet you'd be delighted to have them prattle on about your claws, I'm sure. ;)

Haddayr said...

I was thinking of changing my name to "poop," which gets the most enthusiastic send-off around here.

Mat said...

Go the Lisa Simpson/Jim Morrison route and declare yourself the Lizard Queen.

Jerry Grasso said...

From what I can tell, this isn't so much as autistic thing, as it is a kid thing? What kid ever appreciated his/her parents?

Certainly, I still don't appreciate mine properly....and my brood doesn't really appreciate me....

chrisd said...

So what did you have at the restaurant? I'm living vicariously through you. A little bit.

Spent 2 hours Saturday afternoon making homemade Pancit noodles (a Filipino dish). Yes, everyone loved it. Demolished in, what, 1/2 hour?

Then to my sis in law for Easter dinner (had to postpone it because of the sickies).

I love the pictures you post. Will learn how to do that one day.

Camera Obscura said...

You need "dah stripeys" before you will be "dah ickle-little cute one".

Melissa said...

oh... I'm laughing... maybe you could go all out like the lizard guy... have you ever seen him? He had some kind of plastic surgery where they forked his tongue and they tatooed scales all over him :) Anything to win the love and affection of our children? Well, almost... hope you enjoyed your time alone!

OhTheJoys said...

You at least deserve a "bye, bye! I lub woo" - that's what K got this morning.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Grasso 100%.

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