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Thursday, June 07, 2007

Leaving on a jet plane

With two IEP’s and a birthday behind us, I am now free to formulate a plan. As with all plans, logic dictates that you start at the end and work forwards. We leave for England on Wednesday the 13th from San Francisco Airport for our annual pilgramage.
529. 3 hours check in.
528. 30 minutes fiddling about with baggage and parking.
527. One hour drive.
526. Put children in the car.
525. Collect children from school
351. Cure aeroplane phobia in one child – remember that the other one is phobic too but goes on shutdown rather than meltdown.

350. Ensure all electronic bribes are packed, together with power packs, emergency power packs, spare batteries and those transformer thingies.
349. Pack sufficient catering cartons of goldfish crackers to sustain life for one, during a two week period. [translation = fortnight]
348. Buy additional suitcase for goldfish

267. Ensure that essentials are in hand luggage – cuddly blanket, cuddly sable, small golden thing.
266. Put small golden thing in it’s own large bag for safety.
265. Buy additional hand luggage sized suitcase for small golden thing.
264. Check whether ‘security’ permits nail clippers in hand luggage.
263. Wean junior of the talisman of nail clippers prior to boarding aeorplane.

132. Remember that we’re traveling on our American passports – to avoid confusion at immigration, acquire an American accent to match.
131. Unpack the books, too heavy and you know you’ll never have time to read them.
130. Consult speech therapist – replace last years mantra – ‘plane fall down, plane fall down, plane fall down,’ at 50 decibels, shall NOT be repeated this year. [translation = especially during the 3 hour check in – yes that was us]
129. Practice whispering, ‘plane fall down, plane fall down, plane fall down.’
128. Research ‘what is the most obscure language?’ Then translate ‘plane fall down, plane fall down, plane fall down,’ and commit to memory.
127. consider teaching him how to say ‘plane fall down, plane fall down, plane fall down,’ with flags. [translation = the joy of crossing the mid-lines]
126. Buy Wedding Anniversary card for spouse so that we can celebrate in our traditional manner on our return flight date, surrounding by three of our little lovies.


35. Can I have the single aisle seat all on it’s own this year?
34. Take paper version of all relevant telephone numbers and addresses.
33. Give all children a refresher course on the essentials of England-
- yes they have shops
- high fives are not compulsory
- they do have funny accents
- get your fries and chips straightened out
- even though it is not green it is still proper money
- it is not ‘dark, dingy and wet,’ I was lying when I said that
- the natives are essentially friendly

6. Pack sun glasses for everyone or some other disguise. Mackintoshes and wellies?
5. check to see if the ‘bolter’ will still fit in the baby reins now that he is six and a half?
4. Train the bolter not to bolt. Buy additional safety pins to the extend life and girth of baby reins.
3. Pack mattress covers, plastic table cloth and two blankets to cover their sofas.
2. Buy additional suitcase for these items.
1. Bring down suitcases from the attic.

Aren’t holidays fun!

Although I have yet to add the time factor to each item accurately, my powers of deductive reasoning tell me that I need approximately 5 years, 2 months and 14 hours to be ready on time.

For anyone planing on 'leaving on a jet plane' then nip over a visit my pal Linda , at "Are we there yet" and her post on the 4th of June,
for some much more useful information.


Ellen said...

Enjoy your holidays! I know you will!!

natterandramblings said...

I'm just curious, are you really seriously considering packing a live goldfish to the UK? Won't it get quarantined or something?

No matter, It will be a great get together, I'm sure (7yrs of catch up)!

Have fun and safe journey.

Heidi said...

Try Finnish for 'plane fall down', it's pretty obscure - 'lentokone putoaa!'

bring some sunshine back to England, pretty please...

Domestic Goddess said...

YOu are much braver than I. I would not even CONSIDER flying with these two. We've done it once, never, ever again. We drive now, 12 hours or more, no worries. They are fine in teh car! But I gather you are going across the pond or else you wouldn't need a passport.

mumkeepingsane said...

I've never flown with the boys...yet!

I'm sure you meant the goldfish crackers, yes?? I would also need to pack a bag for those.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Oh, just the thought of 2 IEPs terrifies me -- flying all that way with children, who don't like flying? In addition to being a funny woman, you are a brave woman. I haven't flown with my kids in close to five years -- and my oldest is six!

momof3feistykids said...

*Laugh* I love your sense of humor (especially since it's so *true*) Have a great trip!

Anonymous said...

Done 2 IEP's, have one "we want to you be comfortable that we are cutting back your full support to part time".. meeting next Thurs. Like I'm going to be happy??? No, I don't think I need to be nice about it anymore either.

So.. I'm heading to CA (LA) on the 21st to the 26th... KIDLESS (and dh-less). How many hours are left???


Jade said...

After working with Autistic children for a while now I understand how much preparation and forethought it takes to take them on a trip successfully. I Hope you and your family have a wonderfully relaxing trip.

Melissa said...

I've never flown with my kids... not sure that I ever will. I tip my hat to you - you are one brave girl!

Linda said...

Ah isn't traveling just so much fun?? Those are quite the lists you have there and this sounds more like a major undertaking than a holiday!

Good luck with those American accents to go with your American passports and have a grand time! After all, it took you "5 years, 2 months and 14 hours to be ready on time"!

I haven't been to SFO in years since the last time I flew back from a visit to friends in Stockton. The whole mess was under construction at the time so I decided all future trips would be out of Sacramento. I bet they don't have flights to England, though, do they?

Good luck and a very safe and happy trip!

Haddayr said...

I vacillate between awe and horror before this spectacle.

May The Force be with you.

And may other travelers see the essentially captivating beauty and flat-out interestingness of your charges.

chrisd said...

My oldest wasn't as scared as my youngest.

You are my hero!

Do you have pictures of the last trip that you can show them? That has really helped our oldest in other areas.

Anonymous said...

Brave, brave soul. I have yet to venture into an airport with mine, due to: (1) echoes (2) people (3) intrusive, humming security machines (4) the threat of being checked manually at security - which would cause biting, at best, and (5) if we succeed in navigating all that, subjecting all of us (child included) to multiple hours of the plane, what with whirring, humming, whining noises, recirculated air, changes in pressure, and people very, very close to him.

If I end up in Hell, it will involve flying places with my youngest.

kristina said...

I guess getting there is only 1/3 of the fun---packing takes up some percentage too!

The Anti-Wife said...

Have a wonderful holiday. My sister has a 14 year old autistic son and she always has lots of things to keep him busy.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and voting for my house color.

yerdoingitwrong said...

Be Safe. Have FUN!!!


The furthest we have flown with the 6 year old is 4 hours but she absolutely loved it. The film 'A Night at the Museum' was a big help.
Oh and it is a bit overcast so bring a little bit of sun with you, Thanks

Anonymous said...

Safe travels! Look forward to posts from abroad.

A Bishops Wife said...

My mom went to England to stay with friends-a while back--she stayed a month. She just loved it!

Sarah said...

I flew in May with my kids and I was pretty well freaked out about it, but I was amazed at how well it went. Our only mishaps were
1. Gracie screaming when we tried to get her to use the airplane toilet (she wanted to but had no idea what it entailed.)
2. Sandis getting lost at the Denver International Airport (ya, I know, I know, it could have been bad)
But we came home in one piece and for the most part whole. Good luck! Oh and my flight was only 2 hours, nothing like it will be to England, but we made it!

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