How to make your own duvet/comforter cover

First a quick translation to avoid confusion:-


Around here, we use European duvet covers which are the same as American comforter covers except that Europeans omit the second flat sheet. Instead, the duvet cover goes next to your skin, or maybe your pyjamas. This means that Europeans change their duvet covers far more frequently that most Americans change their comforter covers, which are used more like Europeans use eiderdowns.

This is why American sheet sets are packed as follows:- one fitted sheet, one flat sheet and one or maybe two pillow cases. If the pillow cases are fancy, they are sometimes called shams. This is intensely confusing to foreigners such as myself.

Hence if you find yourself with a surfeit of single [twin] flat sheets, it’s very easy to make them into a duvet cover [comforter cover].

First practice with a couple of old tea towels which will provide you with a handy reference map when you’re buried in two six foot sheets. Once you’ve grasped the basic principles it will be very easy to make the real thing.



Since sheets are already hemmed you don’t need to bother with French seams or have any fear of the fabric fraying.

Put the wrong sides of the fabric together.

Fold over the top of each one over in the opposite direction of each other and put a nappy pin at the edge, through all four layers to simulate a seam.



Turn the whole thing inside out and you will see that you’ve formed a double pocket at one end, which will keep the duvet from escaping.


With the big real version, sew the three outer seams first with the right sides of the fabric together. When you turn it right side out you can add an extra layer of stitches at each side at the top flap to make it easier to insert the duvet and strengthen the edges.




Some people add tags to the inside corners or buttons to help keep the duvet in place.

On completion add two to four snap fasteners to the inside edge to help keep the flap from gaping. I avoid Velcro as a quick fix because it often becomes undone, is scratchy and makes for added tactile complications with restless and active sleepers, as with hook and eye closures. Some people use ties but these tend to fray after only a few uses. Buttons are also a tactile issue and the button holes are difficult to fashion quickly unless you have a sophisticated sewing machine.



It is not uncommon to get through three sets of bedding on a bad night around here. If both of them hit a nocturnal phase at the same time, then we may encounter 8 sets of bedding by morning, especially if we parents lose the plot along the way. I find it hard to connect the dots during the night. They are wide awake and fully functioning, but without the day time prompts, accidents are inevitable. As bedding and duvet covers are extremely expensive, we’ve found this an invaluable way of increasing our linen stock without breaking the bank.

Now if anyone has any tips for making your own indestructible, heavy usage washing machine, I’d be extremely grateful.

Magic Marker Monday

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

International translations

I field questions all day, correct diction, repeat back the preferred form and generally exhaust everyone with my efforts. During a brief lull my youngest pipes up, “lookie, lookie, lookie!”
We look, all of us, out of the window and follow the pointy finger.
“What are we looking at dear?”
“Er…..dat car’s butt is dirty,” he chortles, with quite the filthiest undertone of a brothel creeper.
“Ah…..someone’s written in the muck……anyway….it’s a car boot.”
“Boot?”
“Yes, car boot, not car butt.”
“Boot?”
“Yes, boot as in shoe.”
“Actually” she adds with a hint of smarm, “it’s car trunk mom, trunk as in back.”
“Er…” percolates the little one, “trunk……. as in elephant,” shortly before he dissolves into cackle on the floor.

Sick as a Dog

Get the code:-
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below

<a href="http://www.lighteningonline.com/"><img src="http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q158/mmcewen/smiley-saturday-1.jpg" /></a>

Thatcher, the most miserable dog in the world!

Which is why I am happy to be female, with all my withered bits and bobs in their original places, human, without a cone on my head and ever so slightly humane. If that's not a reason or two to be happy, then I don't know what is?

Most interesting Google search question of the week

‘How long does it take to teach an autistic kid to tidy toys?’

What a corker!

Whilst I’m tempted to launch in with my size tens, I think I would have to own up and say that without asking a few questions of my own, I should have no idea. What would I need to know? Their age, both chronological and developmental, just for starters. It would be helpful to know their current means of communication, verbal, PEC’s, sign, although not essential. I think my biggest question would be, ‘has he or she learned how to play?’ This might see a rather strange kind of a query. Surely if there are toys that need tidying, then there must be someone playing with them? A good point, but not necessarily true. There is a big difference between dumping out a trough full of toys onto the floor for easy access, and actually playing with them.

A child who has learned to play doesn’t actually need any toys because ordinary household objects can be playthings with a little imagination. A wooden spoon can be an oar or a magic wand. This ability is innate in many people, but not in others. Some children can pretend that a Superman figure is a baby doll, or that a baby doll is a dog, or that a dog is a horse. Other people, with help and encouragement can learn these things too.

Still doubtful? It may help to observe the child in question. Does he really play or merely repeat movements, stereotypical, over and over again. Similarly when children line up objects or toys. Then there is also scripting when a child can repeat a storyline from a book of film with exactitude. Sadly, once these behaviours are recognized for what they are, all too often this is the spark that people wish to extinguish. For my children, these behaviours, and others, were a starting point, something to ignite and work with, rather than against.



How else can you tell whether play skills are under developed? An easy test it to take the child to a toy shop. Some children dive into the store and head straight for their favourite spot. Others browse everything in awe, flit from shelf to shelf. Still others refuse to get into the car in the first place and have no interest in going to any shop, let alone a toy shop.

On arrival, some of these children prefer to play with the electronic doors, many cannot go inside because of the lighting, the noise, the busyness and are completely overwhelmed. Some may find the shop entertaining because they can read the labels or examine price tags, as numbers are generally enthralling wherever they happen to be. In fact they can be so enthralling that this particular child refuses to leave the store.

So, my initial answer would have to be, first teach your child to play. I like to think that play, is children’s work. Once they have learned to play, then teaching anything else is so much easier. I’m almost tempted to say that teaching play skills is even more important that attempting to teach speech to the non-verbal. This is because a child may have fabulous speech facility but still be incapable of play, whereas once a child can play, then teaching speech is a prolonged and life long game, but I’m more than open to opposing views.

These are just a few hints. It may be that your child already plays delightfully, in which case, learning to tidying up will be an absolute breeze. If on the other hand, you recognize something here, then I can only say that all is very far from lost. Not so long back my own non-verbal children did not play. Now they play and they speak. What’s more, they have achieved the pinnacle of success in my book, namely, pretend play, where the only limits are the outer edges of our own imaginations.

Still don’t "believe" me. Would I lie to "you?"

Street Talk

Many parents of autistic children spend many hours and a great deal of money on speech therapy. We do this in the hope that our children’s ability to communicate will be enhanced and become easier with time. Speech production is a complex skill, especially if we include the social nuances so often implicit in everyday conversations. The subtlties of language are often difficult to nail down. Even sophisticated speakers, the Asperger side of the spectrum, are often flummoxed by their own logic. Frequently, they all miss the realm of speech patterns most common amongst their peers. All to often, parents put heavy burdens upon their children with their high expectations.

………

I am in the middle of my usual list of prompts and cues as we stumble our way through the morning routine before school. Like most youngsters, my children are tuned out and difficult to keep on track. Neither has uttered as much as a syllable in 20 minutes or more. My patience wears thin as I notice that people who were dressed at 7:30 are no longer dressed at 7:35. I know there’s a catch in my voice, “listen up! I need you to put your clothes on!”
“Yadda, yadda, yadda! Your needs!”
“!”

This from the child who has difficulty retrieving the word 'green.' All too often it seems that they exceed my expectations.

Wordless - Special Exposure Wednesday

After more than 8 years of tireless and rigorous training, there are few outstanding skills that we're still working on, towit my nightly view at the dinner table.



If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

ROLF Award

"Jessica" explains the rules as follows:-


"To award someone a ROFL Award:

1. Pick a post from the current month that made you laugh.
[Please only choose original material written or developed by a blogger - i.e., not a YouTube video, cartoon, or joke circling the Net.]

2. E-mail me a link to the post that you are nominating AND a link to your blog by the deadline.
[I will send you the award button so you can share it with the blogger you've nominated.]

3. I will send you the award button code a day or so before the awards are to be posted.

4. Send the person you are awarding the award button code and let them know when the ROFL Awards will be posted for the month.

5. On the first Friday of the month, write a post on your blog about the post you nominated.
[Please link back to this blog (Oh, The Joys) and to Tania at Chicky Chicky Baby so that people can see the full list of award winning funny posts.]

6. Read all the funny posts for the month and enjoy!

Feel free to e-mail me with questions.

I look forward to laughing with you!"

Not sure about the 'first Friday' versus the deadline, but here is my offering in any case:-

For "Mama Mara" over at "Mama on the Edge," for her post called "Finding Dr. Right," If she can find humour in her life, then I think we might all be able to take a leaf out of her book, as long as you put it back again with some sticky tape.

Cheers Dears

How to make your own Webkinz [posable]

One of the best ways to get organized is to delegate household chores to your children. One of the best ways to motivate your children to co-operate is to provide finely targeted bribes. The current bribe currency around here is Webkinz, but they’re a bit pricey, especially in these financially stricken times. So, if your household is in need of a little extra motivation, why not make a few of your own bribes.






Body
Cast on 30 stitches to a size 10 [US] circular needle. Mark the beginning of the round. Knit two rows knitwise.
Increase one stitch knitwise every second stitch. [60 stitches]

Knit one round
Increase one stitch every third stitch. [80 stitches]
Knit seven rounds without increasing.
Decrease – knit two together, repeat to end of the round [40 stitches]
Knit one round
Decrease – knit two together, repeat to end of the round. [20 stitches]
Knit two together, repeat [ten stitches]
Thread through the tail with the crochet hook and pull through and tie off on the wrong side.

Legs
Knit eight I cords with six stitches, one inch shorter than the length of a standard pipe cleaner. Insert pipe cleaner with a crochet hook and pull through the centre. Fashion each end of the pip cleaner into a loop and squeeze the pointy end tightly with wire cutters. Sew the loose end on the yarn at each end to cover and flatten the ends. Atatch home made or shop bought pompoms to one end. Sew the bald end to the body of the spider on the outside [right side] with invisible stitches.




Sew on eyes and pompom mouth. Secure contrasting coloured pipe-cleaner for the mouth and make sure to neaten the inside ends so that they don’t poke through = tie the ends together on the inside, twist off and add a blob of glue so that if they do move they will not be sharp.

Stuff the body and sew contrasting circle of fabric to the underbelly.





Clearly, they motivate lots of children, not just mine.

Now with the easy part over, it’s down to the real business. If your children have an eye for detail, then a Webkinz logo is an absolute must.

First pick a language, an unfamiliar one. Learn two or three lines, together with an authentic accent. Secondly, decide upon which type of disguise best suits you. Ideally this should be a disguise that is credible, no Chuck E Cheese Mouse suits please. Find you finest pair of small sharp sewing scissors and secret them about your person. Then, take yourself off to the local Hallmark shop or any other fine retailer of the much favoured Webkinz.

On arrival, blend discretely amongst the other legitimate shoppers. Do not draw attention to yourself by acting oddly. Wait patiently for the right moment and then discretely hack off the nearest Webkinz label available. Return the bald Webkinz to the back of the shelf and run like hell. Do not worry if you are caught as you have the best defense in the world, a real justification that cannot be thwarted by logic.

As I may have mentioned earlier, this tackle is not for the faint hearted.

If you find that you’re not a ‘Mission Impossible’ type, your second option is to take careful note of the Webkinz that already enjoy household space at home. Wait until all junior persons are absent from the home, preferably for a long period of time, such as during school and then determine which Webkinz is for the chop? Take your sacrificial Webkinz and slice off it’s leg, unpick the Webkinz logo and sew it neatly on the new and perfectly unique Webkinz of your own design.





Before the children return home, nip outside and find a rock. Smash your front window with the rock from the outside to make sure that the broken glass falls on the inside of the floor to prove that you had no defense against the wicked, Webkinz robber who burgled the house whilst they were away.

Either option should be completed early in the morning. On completion, early in the morning, you shall now have the rest of the day to complete your mission. First it is necessarily to acquire a massive brain such that you are able to hack into the Webkinz site on-line. Once hacked, it is then essential to steal a legitimate Webkinz code. Having stolen the Webkinz code, all you have to do is to perfectly forge the Webkinz papers of authenticity, insert into a plastic Webkinz liner. Carefully wipe clean of all incriminating evidence, such as finger prints. Be sure to wear latex gloves. Attach code package to the Webkinz, with a pale blue ribbon that you saved from a previous purchase.

I think this is probably where I went wrong?

Anyone want a green spider perchance? I’ll forward the ribbon later on, if I ever find it.

Magic Marker Monday

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

Yes that's sandpaper!
an 8 year milestone

Quiet time

Get the code:-
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below

<a href="http://www.lighteningonline.com/"><img src="http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q158/mmcewen/smiley-saturday-1.jpg" /></a>

It's a bit hazy, but Nonna rests in the company of the boys, all of them reading Garfield comic books.


Following a "nasty scare," we shall be recharging our batteries this weekend.

However, if you're feeling a little more energetic, you may wish to consider nipping along to say "hi" to "Kev" over at "Autism Talk," he doesn't half get about that lad.

Or maybe you're more "musically" inclined in which case "Casdok" may have a "surprise" for you.

Maybe you could squeeze in a visit to "Kristina" over at "Change.org" where you could vote for her or simply drop a note of goodwill as she adjusts and settles in to her new spot.

"Trish" over at "Another Piece of the Puzzle" and at "Autism Interrupted" and updates her "Twitter" more frequently than I can manage and at "5 Minutes for Special Needs Mums" is still slogging away for all our benefit, and I'm sure she'd appreciate a comment from you. Talking of "comments" it appears that "Trish" has been kind enough to give me a "blabber mouth" award, although I suppose it's better than a "big fat finger" award for my typing skills, I think? I'm not entirely sure what I should be doing with this [?] but please don't give me any advice, rude or otherwise!

There you go, my foggy brain has managed to fathom it out, although it's Saturday rather than Friday. Suffice to say that with Nonna's mishap we have been a bit a sixes and sevens, I sure I'll be forgiven for being a day late.....I hope?





Many thanks to Sheri and "Barbara" for your concern, we are nearly back on track. I should really give this to the lovely Elle, but she's blogless poor woman. So I'm happy to pass it on to "Holly" at "Fearless Females" - what a name! One that I heartily endorse. There are so many more commenters that should take this award, but for right now, my battery is full dis-charged.

If you need to little pick me up, then head on over to "Grace in Small Things," to read of join.

Don't forget to keep your eyes and ideas open to "Jessica."

Why do I have to? By Lauri Leventhal-Belfer, illustrated by Luisa Montaini-Klovdahl

"This" is ‘a "book" for children who find themselves frustrated by everyday rules.’ This is probably all you need to know about this publication, as well as the fact that it is a great, practical and resourceful read.

However, you may wish to know a little more before you make a "purchase." First of all I would note that this book is written for children who ‘have difficulty coping with the hassles of everyday life.’ The words ‘autism’ and ‘Asperger’ are nowhere to be found, but we all know what we’re talking about.

Generally speaking, I currently avoid books about "Asperger" Syndrome because whilst they may be useful in the future, for the time being, we exist on another inch of the "spectrum."

However, I have a great number of "friends" with Asperger children. I am sympathetic to the very different challenges that they and their children experience, a different page in the very same tome.

I never read the blurb on the back of a book, as I wish to avoid bias and make up my own mind. However, the introduction is compulsory for me. This lets me know if it is worthwhile turning to the next page. Here, the author sets the tone for the adult reader. Quite often it can be just one line that hits the nail on the head:- ‘often these children are not as interested in the answers as much as they are in winning more time to do a desired activity or support for their position.’ The introduction is peppered with nuggets of wisdom and practical guidance:-
- each story ends with a positive statement affirming the benefit of a more adaptive coping style
- one of the biggest challenges in working with these children is getting the strategies that may work in one setting to generalize……
-will not be automatic……rather it will take a great deal of work and practice before a child is able to integrate spontaneously…..without external support.
-keeping track of the times that your child experiences success as well as …..roadblocks
- collaborate with teachers
- motivation
This tells me that the author knows what she is talking about which in turn convinces me to read on. Most importantly of all, the author emphasizes the importance of choosing only one campaign to work on at a time.

This book could also be called ‘transitions, how to get through them?’ Not as catchy but some of us with youngsters who are non-verbal or face different life challenges, know just how traumatic so many of these transitions can be for our children.

The book is divided into three sections:-
Rules that may be frustrating at home
Rules that may be frustrating about friends
Rules that may be frustrating about school
Yes, this is your child’s life, and every single one of the ‘whys’ pertains to most of our children, I’ve checked.
For instance:-
-‘why do I have to say ‘hello’ with words?’
-‘why do I have to let other kids play a game the ‘wrong’ way?’
- ‘why do I have to go the bathroom when I don’t need to?’
I hope these questions also have resonance for you too? If not, please correct me.

Still not convinced?

After each story, [they’re short,] there are several points or strategies suggested to help both child and parent. The suggestions are practical. Interestingly, they cover the categories that are most useful to my family, such as self calming, the sensory element[s], distracters, alternative outlets for frustration, self talk and sensory/bio feedback. Don’t worry, none of those words appear in the book because the writer is far too canny to scare off those people would could most benefit from her words, including me!

So what about the non-verbal child who never asks ‘why?’ Could this really help a non-verbal child, especially if they don’t sign? Who can say? I would say, or rather suggest, that even if a child does not say the word ‘why?’ those questions are still percolating around inside. They also experience the same frustrations with the rules imposed upon them by adults. Frequently autistic children understand many more words [receptive language] than they are able to articulate. [expressive language]

Lastly, just in case there are still any doubting Thomas’, each story finishes with this question, “do you have any other ideas about what may help you……?” This provides the perfect invitation for the child and parent to work collaboratively. In my limited experience, all too often, my children, when given the opportunity, can come up with their very own solutions to a problem. Then, I have the problem. All I have to do is wrap my head around their alternative, try very hard to compromise and accept that quite often the answer is staring me in the face.

Need one last practical example?

Fair enough. What do I do about my boys and their friends, or more particularly their male friends? When they meet for a play date or say their good byes, they skip the words part and demonstrate their friendship with close physical contact. This is heartwarming to witness in toddlers and young people, but as young people grow larger, society is less accepting, cold hearted and full of disapprobation. At this early stage, I do not particularly wish to curb this behaviour. I would prefer to encourage it, but my sons are more likely to be accepted in society at large, if they can make small adaptations. What kind of adaptation? A formal hand shake isn’t going to let them express what they need to express, but it is socially acceptable. What else? Follow the suggestion; ask the boys themselves. Their solution? ‘A boy hug,’ which looks like a bear hug, lots of hearty, male testosterone bonding. Not my ideal, nor first choice, but it works, and that’s all that really matters.

You may wish to consider "buying" your copy from "Amazon" or straight from "Jessica Kingsley Publishers."

Alternatively, if anyone is interested in a scribbled on version, I'm happy to offer up my own copy, maybe a February giveaway?

Cheers dears

Quick Quotes

Nonna, the Italian diabetic in Buca di Beppo:-
“Wot? I thought it woz an Italian restaurant? No Neopolitan ice-cream?”

Son to Nonna:-
“I thought Buca di Beppo meant ‘Beppo’s mouth?”
“No……..not mouth……hole……..hole as in ‘place’ of Guiseppe.”
“Yur both wrong,” announces the pre-teen with much eye rolling, “it means ‘Joe’s Basement,’ coz Joe is American for Guiseppe.”
“So what’s Italian for basement dear?”
“I wuz sayin basement to be polite, it jus means ‘hang out.’”

Adult Daughter to Mother with the timely echolalic:-
“I just don’t get it. What’s the point of having medical insurance if they’re only going to pay out if there’s an R in the month and a full moon.?”
“6 months late, if you’re lucky, minus huge deductible, ignoring all out of pocket expenses, just to be generous, say….. 65% tops?”
"It's wicked man, it's wicked man, it's wicked man."


Siblings:-
“Eeeow! Why are yah makin those weirdo squirrely noises huh?”
“Er…..I’m copyin dah weirdo squirrel…..over there……in dah tree……dinya hear him?” [with pointy finger]

Older brother to little brother, as he steps aside to let him go through the door first, “dere you go,……… age before beauty.”








A warning, bellowed helpfully, at Nonna’s swiftly retreating form, as he hurls his body around Thatcher, “don’t run! You’ll turn yourself into prey!”

Happy Tales and Tails

Follow my leader!

If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

Food for the Frugal – one week’s worth

I don’t know what happens in your household, but around here my children would be quite happy to eat pizza or pasta every night of the week, for a month, probably several months.
Tuesday – baked potatoes with sour cream and chives, pan fried sausages [bake extra potatoes to use in Frittata tomorrow/make double and freeze as side dish/ save one sausage for the Frittata]
Wednesday – Frittata with green salad and Winter coleslaw [make double coleslaw to add to tomorrow]
Thursday - Cheesy Rice with Kale and Winter Coleslaw [double the boiled rice, save half and freeze for later – Monday]
Friday – Fisherwoman’s Pie, pastry topped, include a cup of peas and corn to have a one pot dish and save washing up. [set up beans to sprout for Monday]
Saturday – Egg, Spinach and Potato Curry, serve with bread or Naans [make double to freeze but omit the eggs]
Sunday - Roast chicken and potatoes with roasted root vegetables [double the veg to use in cous cous later, strip the chicken bare[!] , refridgerate left over meat, make stock from the carcass for cous cous and freeze the rest for soup]
Monday – Stir Fried rice with the left over chicken, Beansprouts with Sesame seeds

The point here is to try and keep one or two steps ahead of the starving masses. Anyway, enough of such irrelevancies as nobody is interested in what we’re eating this week. However, it may just be that a few people may be mightily interested to know that my son, the former neophobe, will also be eating this menu, this week.

"Who?"

"Him!"


Don't forget to keep your eyes and ideas open to "Jessica."

Puppy Training:- a brief summary

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

I attend the primer.

A two hour lecture.

I did try very hard not to yawn.

• Consistency
• Persistence
• Always follow through
• Think like a dog
• Use logic
• Dogs have common dogginess principles
• Each dog has it’s own unique personality and character
• Keep language concise
• Use body language
• Use simple signs
• Generalize skills in different locations
• Reward with treats initially
• Don’t forget to fade rewards
• Pick your battles
• Schedules, routines and predictability
• Never punish natural doggy behaviour such as chewing, digging and barking
• Provide safe opportunities to chew, dig and bark
• Tone of voice
• Facial expression
• Repetition

On and on and on it goes……..

And do you know what? I can do all this standing on my head, whilst knitting and drinking Ensure. I tell you truly that if I had known it would be this easy, I would have found a dog years ago. Then again, years ago, I didn’t know, what I know now. Do I mean to imply that Autistic children learn similarly to dogs? No. I imply no such thing. On the contrary, children, both autistic and typical, need good teachers. It is easy to scoff, especially since I am so exceptionally good at scoffing:- why doesn’t everyone already know all this stuff? But we all have to start somewhere. This provides me with the perfect opportunity to thank those professional and vocational professionals who work tirelessly for my children, to help them reach their full potential. If I cannot learn to be a good teacher, then children are probably not a good career choice for me. Luckily, despite all the odds against me, it seems that old dogs like me really can learn new tricks. Other young pups master nauseous chalk when they have just the right motivation.

Woof!






Don't forget to keep your eyes and ideas open to "Jessica."

January Jaunty Jest

Have you read something during this month of January that made you laugh out loud? Was it something that might make other people have the same reaction? If so you may wish to leave a link to that post in the comments section here, or e-mail me or write a little note to "Jessica" over at "Oh the Joys" and her jolly good pal "Tania" at "Chicky Chicky Baby" for their "ROLF" award for January.

Maybe I could invite you to play along too?

As they say:-

'If you are willing, we'd love help spreading the word. Feel free to share the deadlines with your followers and friends on Twitter and / or Facebook .

Thanks so much!

Jessica & Tania'

I'd attempt the Twitter / Facebook option but sadly, technically challenged persons, such as myself are incapable of such feats.

What I'd really like to know is whether I can submit four suggestions or recommendations? I maintain four blogs, I read lots of other blogs. Some are quite hilarious, others draw me for different reasons. Surely I could provide four nominations, although I suspect that would constitute cheating?

Cheers dears

Helping Children with Complex Needs Bounce Back by Kim Aumann and Angie Hart :- a book review

First of all I need to publicize my bias. I dislike a whole genre of books, namely, all books that fall into the following categories:- self help, how to, step by step, self improvement, how I struggled, suffered, overcame and triumphed in the end, and anything that vaguely suggests that it will transform your life into perfection. As a natural born cynic, I dislike books that offer the temptation of a quick fix.

That said, this book with it’s conversational style, was difficult to put down. This was in part because of the "writers’" charm, their awareness that the "quick fix" doesn’t exist, that parents are weary, often with limited resources and that fundamentally, attitude is everything. I don’t know if you can learn "resilience training" from a book, but it certainly helps to read about practical ways of altering thought processes into a more positive approach.

I rarely have the opportunity to read a book from cover to cover in one sitting and so this ‘dip in’ approach was a good fit for my current life style. The format of introduction, expansion and summary for each chapter is also a helpful and practical organizational tool for the haphazard reader.

I thoroughly enjoyed the many anonymous quotes such as:-

‘Really there’s no magic you know, it’s just about keeping at it.’

I did enjoy the initial parental and child self assessment questionnaires, mainly because I’m very good at lying, so I can anticipant the answers and ensure a good score. In all honesty, I should have stuck to chapter one because we failed, quite miserably. Shall I share? This evaluation tests whether or not we’re managing the basics before we move on to more advanced skills.


4. I can get out and about without too many difficulties:- True / False / Sometimes

6. I take part in physical activity at a moderate intensity for 30 minutes at least five times a week:- True / False / Sometimes

7. I get out of the house at least once a day:- True / False / Sometimes

Often a book wins me over precisely because it follows my own tenants and reflects my own values. Hence in chapter two, the authors discuss how to deal with busybodies, full of opinions that they always insist upon sharing, no matter how inappropriate. They have several suggestions to help people through these frequent difficult moments. As they say, ‘there’s no magic cure for people being nasty,’ however by far my favourite foil is as follows:- ‘disarm people by agreeing with them.’

Most of us with special needs children encounter a great many experts over the years. The experts have a great deal of experience and a flourish of qualifications to back them up, but often, we doubt whether they would be able to cope with what we cope with 24/7. When that is the case, it can also be difficult to accept their advice, because they are not the ones who will have to endure the practicalities of teaching, enforcing and persisting, for many months, if not years. However, it is quite clear to me that both of these women have also been on the short end of life, down in the trenches with the rest of us. They’re not preaching from on high, which makes me all the more keen to listen, just as they have listened to real people, coping with real life:-

‘I’m busy with a star chart and his behaviour, but meanwhile I can’t even get his clothes washed for school. The washing machine’s packed up, I don’t have the money to get it fixed, he wets the bed every night, the sheets are stinking and piling up. But I’m so busy chasing after him that I can’t get a moment to ring a plumber.’

Funnily enough, when I read this, I thought to myself, 'if she's managing to use a star chart, regardless of the other chaos, then she's pretty high up the old learning curve.'

There are a great many practical solutions and suggestions, with even more tit bits of common sense. I am the kind of person that reads a book with a pen in my hand and this book provided lots of opportunities to interact and scribble. I’d offer to send you my own copy, but as usual I have more than mangled it, which strangely, is a very good indication of a powerful influence. Whilst it is always possible for the truly grumpy to nit pick, on the whole, it may be better to adopt the general ethos and know by that as we drown in defeat, we may also grasp at the positive.

I doubt if one can grow an attitude through simply "reading a book," but I suspect it may help many of us who are struggling to achieve the same "goals," happy, well adjusted children, and we can all do with a little positive reinforcement on that "front."

Cheers dears

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A Random Selection

Every once in a while I open my eyes and notice something small and of no significance. Today, and of no particular significance, I notice a few teeny tiny things, signs of growth.





Pre-teen’s who shun their new and highly desirable night attire, in favour of grunge.

Mental and physical preparations are made prior to my son’s inaugural sleepover away from home, primarily maternal preparations. I also learn how to scan old photographs which adds even more mental anguish of the sentimental variety.






Legs that sprout out of pyjama bottoms.





Individuals who choose to speak to their relatives by name rather than by relationship, which is highly disconcerting for the ill-prepared.

E.g. “Hey Madeline, howaya doin?”

Such startling, text book perfect, voluntary social skills, mark a sea change.

We learn our lessons well:-

Lessons About Blue Dogs


Mister Untouchable, who hates dogs, submits to "lick," with a dollop of welcome glee.





p.s. I shall be keeping my eyes and ears open to find something to offer to "Jessica" over at "Oh the Joys" and her jolly good pal "Tania" at "Chicky Chicky Baby" for their "ROLF" award for January.

Jessica is a foreign type of person with a delightful sense of humour as evidenced by this campaign. Obviously she is Australian as this campaign is dedicated to "ROLF Harris" the humourist and artistic genius. Maybe I could invite you to play along too? As they say:-

'If you are willing, we'd love help spreading the word. Feel free to share the deadlines with your followers and friends on Twitter and / or Facebook .

Thanks so much!

Jessica & Tania'

I'd attempt the Twitter / Facebook option but sadly, technically challenged persons, such as myself are incapable of such feats. Meanwhile, it maybe that someone is due for a "surprise," and perhaps you might "Surprise" someone too, as there's nothing like curling up with a good "blog?"

Cheers dears

All Strung out

We tumble into the house after school and greet the new potential babysitter. Hopefully in one hour from now, we shall have found our perfect match in return for the three hour minimum charge.

Our extra play date victim introduces herself, “Hi I’m Felicity, I’m here all the time so you’re gonna have to get to know me too.” I blink as I think. I sincerely hope this is wishful thinking rather her future reality. My own children are otherwise immediately occupied with dogs and cats and Nonna.

I interview and brief the babysitter by modeling. She stands by the kitchen door as we exchange information. Homework is on hold whilst I juggle. I juggle snacks, enquiries and queries from the five humans in my care, the usual blur of activity.

My daughter brings Thatcher back into the house after a frolic in the garden and talks to him as she towels him dry, “poor ickle wickle puppy is frozen cold.” Immediately we have a dose of the usual, a piercing scream of horror from my youngest as he hurls himself to the floor in a reverie of agony, “oh no! My dog is froze. I don wan a popsicle dog.” I glance at the baby sitter, “did I mention that he’s rather………er…….highly strung?” I scoop him up as there is no point in talking to the literal, far better to offer him the evidence of his own eyes. The eyes of the baby sitter are no longer glazed but gleam, with a slight tincture of alarm. I park him vertically, in front of Thatcher who pants and scratches and shows every degree of being alive and well. Poging, of the gleeful variety, overtakes him as he throws his arms around the furry neck, “ooo my own twoo dog, you are be alive!” he coos in the most beguiling of tones.

After 45 minutes in our company, I sign the papers to release the babysitter. I watch as she skuttles down the path, without so much as a backwards glance.

Handy hint – the power of touch [the nudge]

Inferences are a stumbling block for many children and some autistic ones. These difficulties crop up in both language acquisition and in practical day to day life. For instance, on a cold day I might hold and open a jacket for one of my children. The visual cue of the jacket as well as the ambient cool temperature, just before school, may prompt many children into the ‘correct’ response of putting on additional clothing. However, that is not the case around here. Many parents use additional scaffolding to help their children navigate many of these hic-cups, such as verbal cues and or PEC’s.

All too frequently, in my limited experience, parents such as myself, miss an obvious step, skip ahead of ourselves or fail to note the obvious. Now although my long term memory isn’t as good as many, there is one thing about my youthful days that I can still recall. It was a morning ritual. My mother would crouch down to help me put on my shoes. She would say something like “well put your foot in it then!” I would look down at the top of her head. I could not see my feet. I could not see my shoes. My toes would wiggle about in search for the invisible shoe. My mother found it very frustrating. I think I also found it frustrating but probably more confusing than anything else. Because of this experience I make sure that when I help my own children with their shoes, that they have a clear view of both their feet and their shoes, although they generally sit on the ground. Standing on one leg is generally an advanced skill for many children.

One of the main differences between my experience and my children’s is that I was highly motivated to please my mother, to be a good girl, whereas this, until fairly recently, has not been a motivating force for the boys. Dressing, is not a high priority for them, they are indifferent. In addition, shoes are positively hateful, aversive. The combined effect is indeed a challenge.

If you need any hints on how to make shoes more fun, then I have a list as long as your arm, however these days, they are much more co-operative, so I am able to skip the step of hanging their shoes on my ears. Nonetheless, the visual and other prompts often fall flat. There is still a glitch in the executive function. It may be helpful to think of this as inertia:- everything is set up in place, ready and willing, but they need another little nudge to get the ball rolling in the right direction and overcome ‘stand still.’

So there I am on the floor, in front of my sitting child with the right shoe in front the correct foot. I say the right words in an aurally attention grabbing manner and yet no movement is forthcoming. It is easy to lose it completely at this moment, having already prompted, cued and encouraged every teeny tiny step of a morning routine for over an hour, times two. However, for my boys at least, I find that a gentle tap on the back of the calf, nudges the leg into that first movement. That’s all it takes. It’s like kicking away the brakes and away we go.

I don’t know where your child is on the spectrum. However, it may be that you can avoid the many "mistakes" that I made. One of my "mistakes" was my efficiency. I deemed my children incapable of anything. Teaching basic skills was way too time consuming and my attempts caused no end of tantrums. Therefore it was quicker for me to do everything for them, and I mean everything. As a result they remained helpless for far longer than they should have done. If you find yourself similarly situated, then maybe some small but significant and manageable lesson could begin. It is challenging to know exactly where to start with children who are unable to dress, toilet or eat by themselves.

It may be easiest to begin with something that they can already do. This may take a change in "perspective." For example, the one thing that my children did quite marvelously was to remove all their clothing, frequently. I viewed this habit as a highly frustrating negative, especially since they were completely unable to dress themselves. I found it infinitely ironic. It took a long time to redress, each of them, many, many, many times a day. In fact to be quite honest, usually towards the end of the day I would simply give up, exhausted, hopeless, helpless and "useless."

Then I learned about tactile defensiveness, just a little bit, just enough to give me a clue, a very tiny clue.

It was one small part to tackle. If they were without clothes then their bodies were available for contact and sensory diets came into our lives. Shortly after that the reality of ‘generalization of skills’ also made it’s impact. They learned, gradually, to enjoy sand play and other more obscure pastimes. One obscure pastime was a huge box filled with garbanzo beans, to waist height. Body painting, shaving cream, chocolate spreading and no end of different textures to explore, as we tried to desensitize them. There was ample opportunity, due to a lack of clothing. It took a long time and even sand play became fun, but it was only fun at home. It was not fun at day care, nor the beach, nor the park, because generalization also has to be taught.

I made many, many mistakes as I learned, because one child was a sensory seeker and the other was hell bent on avoidance. I learned brushing skills, but I am still very bad at it.

As usual I digress.

As I write, I am mindful of the fact that this will never reach those whom I would most wish to reach. Those people do not blog. They have no time to blog as they are far too busy doing what needs to be done, alone, just like I used to be. If they’re lucky they may have a few friends, but those friendships have dwindled in number and thinned in frequency. But in conclusion I would like to say that no matter how difficult some days can be, better and brighter days become more frequent, hopefully for all of us.