Rex - A mother, her autistic child, and the music that transformed their lives

You may wish to watch this "15 minutes" video first - that way I won't 'spoil' the book for you.

Did you watch it to the end? If you did take a deep breath and try not to rant about the bit about autistic people having no emotions. Pity Cathleen wasn't able to edit that bit out, but I imagine that 'personal control' and the 'media' are contradictions in terms.

It is an astounding achievement for a first time writer to produce a readable and engaging account of extraordinary lives.


Cathleen is a woman of faith and determination - would that we all had such fortitude. Parents of special needs children will relate to her journey and the struggles they endure, all the more so when Cathleen copes as a single parent.

I read about and understood some of her frustrations, as I cheered her on in the wings, as she dragged herself up the learning curve into a whole new world, one that's always been there, but not many of us noticed, until we found ourselves in the same place, quite by chance.

I had selfish reasons for reading this book after I watched the video. I'm sure we all admire the talents of savants but I wanted to understand the disconnect between extraordinary abilities and profound disabilities, some insight or clue. Cathleen describes Rex's trials with the everyday minutiae of life - shoe laces, buttons, snaps - and yet his fingers are alive on the keyboard. My very ordinary children have similar difficulties, but now they're older, their fingers can manipulate a computer keyboard or any other electronic gaming device, slot together tiny pieces of Lego with determination and creativity. Not the same thing, but sufficiently similar to drive a parent bonkers.

The turning point for me, was towards the end of the book. Rex was struggling at school and unable to learn braille due to his extreme tactile defensiveness. After a particularly difficult encounter with the school, she called an emergency IEP meeting to address her concerns. The tension during that meeting flew off the page, the emotion palpable, but she held it together and advocated for her son in a calm, logical and persuasive manner.

Whatever the future holds for Rex and Cathleen, I'm sure it is far brighter than she ever imagined.

You can buy a copy from "Thomas Nelson Publishers" and "here" or at "Amazon."

And a quick note to the publisher:-

For those of us who are lucky enough to be able to see and have the ability to read, I thought I'd mention a little detail:-



Maybe you didn't notice, but those little blocks of italics, with an important quote from the main script are very distracting - the eye hones in on it not matter how hard we try not to.

Also, as the text flows around the little boxes, it makes the pages turn into letters - in this instance 'S' and 'C' - just in case you hadn't noticed.



Each book should come with a couple of free thumb covers.



Hope you don't mind me mentioning it.

Why do I have to? By Lauri Leventhal-Belfer, illustrated by Luisa Montaini-Klovdahl

"This" is ‘a "book" for children who find themselves frustrated by everyday rules.’ This is probably all you need to know about this publication, as well as the fact that it is a great, practical and resourceful read.

However, you may wish to know a little more before you make a "purchase." First of all I would note that this book is written for children who ‘have difficulty coping with the hassles of everyday life.’ The words ‘autism’ and ‘Asperger’ are nowhere to be found, but we all know what we’re talking about.

Generally speaking, I currently avoid books about "Asperger" Syndrome because whilst they may be useful in the future, for the time being, we exist on another inch of the "spectrum."

However, I have a great number of "friends" with Asperger children. I am sympathetic to the very different challenges that they and their children experience, a different page in the very same tome.

I never read the blurb on the back of a book, as I wish to avoid bias and make up my own mind. However, the introduction is compulsory for me. This lets me know if it is worthwhile turning to the next page. Here, the author sets the tone for the adult reader. Quite often it can be just one line that hits the nail on the head:- ‘often these children are not as interested in the answers as much as they are in winning more time to do a desired activity or support for their position.’ The introduction is peppered with nuggets of wisdom and practical guidance:-
- each story ends with a positive statement affirming the benefit of a more adaptive coping style
- one of the biggest challenges in working with these children is getting the strategies that may work in one setting to generalize……
-will not be automatic……rather it will take a great deal of work and practice before a child is able to integrate spontaneously…..without external support.
-keeping track of the times that your child experiences success as well as …..roadblocks
- collaborate with teachers
- motivation
This tells me that the author knows what she is talking about which in turn convinces me to read on. Most importantly of all, the author emphasizes the importance of choosing only one campaign to work on at a time.

This book could also be called ‘transitions, how to get through them?’ Not as catchy but some of us with youngsters who are non-verbal or face different life challenges, know just how traumatic so many of these transitions can be for our children.

The book is divided into three sections:-
Rules that may be frustrating at home
Rules that may be frustrating about friends
Rules that may be frustrating about school
Yes, this is your child’s life, and every single one of the ‘whys’ pertains to most of our children, I’ve checked.
For instance:-
-‘why do I have to say ‘hello’ with words?’
-‘why do I have to let other kids play a game the ‘wrong’ way?’
- ‘why do I have to go the bathroom when I don’t need to?’
I hope these questions also have resonance for you too? If not, please correct me.

Still not convinced?

After each story, [they’re short,] there are several points or strategies suggested to help both child and parent. The suggestions are practical. Interestingly, they cover the categories that are most useful to my family, such as self calming, the sensory element[s], distracters, alternative outlets for frustration, self talk and sensory/bio feedback. Don’t worry, none of those words appear in the book because the writer is far too canny to scare off those people would could most benefit from her words, including me!

So what about the non-verbal child who never asks ‘why?’ Could this really help a non-verbal child, especially if they don’t sign? Who can say? I would say, or rather suggest, that even if a child does not say the word ‘why?’ those questions are still percolating around inside. They also experience the same frustrations with the rules imposed upon them by adults. Frequently autistic children understand many more words [receptive language] than they are able to articulate. [expressive language]

Lastly, just in case there are still any doubting Thomas’, each story finishes with this question, “do you have any other ideas about what may help you……?” This provides the perfect invitation for the child and parent to work collaboratively. In my limited experience, all too often, my children, when given the opportunity, can come up with their very own solutions to a problem. Then, I have the problem. All I have to do is wrap my head around their alternative, try very hard to compromise and accept that quite often the answer is staring me in the face.

Need one last practical example?

Fair enough. What do I do about my boys and their friends, or more particularly their male friends? When they meet for a play date or say their good byes, they skip the words part and demonstrate their friendship with close physical contact. This is heartwarming to witness in toddlers and young people, but as young people grow larger, society is less accepting, cold hearted and full of disapprobation. At this early stage, I do not particularly wish to curb this behaviour. I would prefer to encourage it, but my sons are more likely to be accepted in society at large, if they can make small adaptations. What kind of adaptation? A formal hand shake isn’t going to let them express what they need to express, but it is socially acceptable. What else? Follow the suggestion; ask the boys themselves. Their solution? ‘A boy hug,’ which looks like a bear hug, lots of hearty, male testosterone bonding. Not my ideal, nor first choice, but it works, and that’s all that really matters.

You may wish to consider "buying" your copy from "Amazon" or straight from "Jessica Kingsley Publishers."

Alternatively, if anyone is interested in a scribbled on version, I'm happy to offer up my own copy, maybe a February giveaway?

Cheers dears

Helping Children with Complex Needs Bounce Back by Kim Aumann and Angie Hart :- a book review

First of all I need to publicize my bias. I dislike a whole genre of books, namely, all books that fall into the following categories:- self help, how to, step by step, self improvement, how I struggled, suffered, overcame and triumphed in the end, and anything that vaguely suggests that it will transform your life into perfection. As a natural born cynic, I dislike books that offer the temptation of a quick fix.

That said, this book with it’s conversational style, was difficult to put down. This was in part because of the "writers’" charm, their awareness that the "quick fix" doesn’t exist, that parents are weary, often with limited resources and that fundamentally, attitude is everything. I don’t know if you can learn "resilience training" from a book, but it certainly helps to read about practical ways of altering thought processes into a more positive approach.

I rarely have the opportunity to read a book from cover to cover in one sitting and so this ‘dip in’ approach was a good fit for my current life style. The format of introduction, expansion and summary for each chapter is also a helpful and practical organizational tool for the haphazard reader.

I thoroughly enjoyed the many anonymous quotes such as:-

‘Really there’s no magic you know, it’s just about keeping at it.’

I did enjoy the initial parental and child self assessment questionnaires, mainly because I’m very good at lying, so I can anticipant the answers and ensure a good score. In all honesty, I should have stuck to chapter one because we failed, quite miserably. Shall I share? This evaluation tests whether or not we’re managing the basics before we move on to more advanced skills.


4. I can get out and about without too many difficulties:- True / False / Sometimes

6. I take part in physical activity at a moderate intensity for 30 minutes at least five times a week:- True / False / Sometimes

7. I get out of the house at least once a day:- True / False / Sometimes

Often a book wins me over precisely because it follows my own tenants and reflects my own values. Hence in chapter two, the authors discuss how to deal with busybodies, full of opinions that they always insist upon sharing, no matter how inappropriate. They have several suggestions to help people through these frequent difficult moments. As they say, ‘there’s no magic cure for people being nasty,’ however by far my favourite foil is as follows:- ‘disarm people by agreeing with them.’

Most of us with special needs children encounter a great many experts over the years. The experts have a great deal of experience and a flourish of qualifications to back them up, but often, we doubt whether they would be able to cope with what we cope with 24/7. When that is the case, it can also be difficult to accept their advice, because they are not the ones who will have to endure the practicalities of teaching, enforcing and persisting, for many months, if not years. However, it is quite clear to me that both of these women have also been on the short end of life, down in the trenches with the rest of us. They’re not preaching from on high, which makes me all the more keen to listen, just as they have listened to real people, coping with real life:-

‘I’m busy with a star chart and his behaviour, but meanwhile I can’t even get his clothes washed for school. The washing machine’s packed up, I don’t have the money to get it fixed, he wets the bed every night, the sheets are stinking and piling up. But I’m so busy chasing after him that I can’t get a moment to ring a plumber.’

Funnily enough, when I read this, I thought to myself, 'if she's managing to use a star chart, regardless of the other chaos, then she's pretty high up the old learning curve.'

There are a great many practical solutions and suggestions, with even more tit bits of common sense. I am the kind of person that reads a book with a pen in my hand and this book provided lots of opportunities to interact and scribble. I’d offer to send you my own copy, but as usual I have more than mangled it, which strangely, is a very good indication of a powerful influence. Whilst it is always possible for the truly grumpy to nit pick, on the whole, it may be better to adopt the general ethos and know by that as we drown in defeat, we may also grasp at the positive.

I doubt if one can grow an attitude through simply "reading a book," but I suspect it may help many of us who are struggling to achieve the same "goals," happy, well adjusted children, and we can all do with a little positive reinforcement on that "front."

Cheers dears

Fun with Messy Play by Tracey Beckerleg – a book review

Available from "Jessica Kingsley Publishers" and "Amazon UK."

To save you time and money I shall cut to the chase so that you can determine if this book would benefit you or someone you know. Consider the three following questions carefully:- firstly, are you now or have you ever been a parent? Secondly, do you believe that you are an average parent, one well within the bell curve rather than on either end of the extreme? Thirdly, during the period of parenthood, if you were or are one, did you ever clean your kitchen floor more than once a week?

If so, this book will definitely help your children, and may even help you as a parent, vicariously.

I love this book. It is a no nonsense down to earth approach to helping children learn and grow through play, specifically messy play. Ms. Beckerleg is an experienced mother, and teacher of special needs children. The book is divided into helpful chapters that address areas of need common to many of our children such as ‘sensory stimulation, language and communication, social development and motor skills.’

To be frank, I could have done with this book about 6 years ago. Instead I had to trundle about on my own, adapting mainstream guides to suit my own particular children. Because one of my children is a sensory ‘seeker’ and another is an ‘avoider,’ especially when the tactile defensiveness issue is dominant, I would have welcomed any additional tips and tricks. Anyone who is already familiar with sensory diets will also be familiar with many of the suggestions in Ms.Beckerleg’s book but there are lots of additional useful suggestions and ideas. I also like her chapter on ‘Things to remember.’ This in part addresses what can occur when you have a group of children with differing needs. Her students were in the classroom, mine are all at home with me. Her ‘real life’ anecdotes and examples are heartwarming and hopeful, and we can all do with a dose of that.

Don't worry, the exchange rate is laughable at the moment and if you ever need any translations, just give me a tinkle.
Cheers dears

Horrid Henry Annual Review by Francesca Simon

Annual "Review" - Horrid Henry by Francesca Simon, illustrated by Tony Ross

The great thing about a blog isn’t the "memories" but accurate "20-20" recall. Not so long back the primary swear words around here were 'Barnacles' and 'Fishpaste,' from Spongebob Squarepant.

I listen to my American children and their strong accents as they abuse each other.
“Don do dat Poopy head!”
“Leave it out Nappy face!”
“Worm!”
“Pongo pants.”
“Yur mean.”
“Yur a Walkie-Talkie-Burpy-Slurpy-Teasy-Weasy Doll!”
“That’s it you two ! Stop being horrid!”

Thanks for the accompanying CD mum. It really helps with their aural processing. You'll be delighted to know that they now swear with perfect English accents.

Roll up, roll up, get your spit bowls here!

Handy hint [possibly] no.3

This is more of a mini book review. Many parents have problems with food and their children. This is by no means an exclusively ‘autistic’ matter. Other parents have difficulties with Pica. [translation = eating or mouthing non food items] If your child falls into the former category then this book may prove to be helpful, I hope. It’s called “Just take a bite,” by Lori Ernsperger, Ph.D and Tania Stegen-Hanson, OTR/L. The forward is by Temple Grandin! which is the seal of authenticity for me.

I may have read every book written on the subject, but has proved to be the most effective for my child.

















It explains all the pertinent factors in language that is easy to understand with lots of examples and hints. It provides a planned approach for the parent to implement which removes the pressure so that the whole exercise becomes stress free. but A change in approach for the parent, based upon a greater understanding of the interplay of numerous different factors, means that calm may be restored to your household, I hope.

It may not be a quick fix, but under the present circumstances, a very slow fix is probably about as good as it's going to get around here.