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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Suck on that you Rich Vandal!

We continue our conversation regarding my "unfortunate purchase," of a sound machine as a sleep aid. [translation = extravagant whim]
“I still don’t really understand why you bought it in the first place?”
“I had only the very best of intentions.”
“Maybe, but these impulse buys are always a mistake.” [translation = the road to Hell]
“I was under extreme duress at the time.”
“Oh you had them all with you then.”
“Yup, in Target.”
“Well that was your first mistake.”
“Target or taking the children?”
“Both really now I come to think of it.”
“I only went there for two things, milk, a birthday card and the sound machine.”
“That’s three!” [translation = clocks the mathematically challenged person]
“Well I was only going to look at the sound machines not actually buy one right away.”
“Definitely two then, because ‘looking’ and ‘children’ are mutually exclusive tasks. So what went wrong?”
“I had one lying on my feet, but that was sort of o.k. because at least he was static. She wanted to go and look at the toys, but I needed us to stay together and junior was so noisy I couldn’t think straight.”
“Rhymes or numbers?”
“Is 5000 still his favourite number?”
“Yes, but you know how it is, if he gets distracted or interrupted, then he has to start again from the beginning.”
“With accompanying meltdown?”
“Only level 7 meltdowns, as having a meltdown interfered with his ability to start counting again.”
“What fun!”
“That’s one description, I can think of many others.”
“Anyway. The sound machine?”
“He picked one up, clutched it to his chest and wouldn’t let go.”
“Unusual for him, he’s not usually interested in anything so mundane.” [translation = anything that isn't a Pokemon]
“I thought it was odd too. Then he kept asking if we could take it home.”
“Which interrupted the counting, which brought about another meltdown.”
“How come you know this family so well? It was bedlam, believe me.”
“You don’t usually capitulate in the ‘buy me an X’ department. Why did you give in? Bad precedent you know! You’re your own worst enemy.” [translation = stupid]
“Tell me about it. But he was so unusually vehement.”
“Not just his usual tenacity?”
“No, more, much more.”
“Much more what?”
“Can’t quite put my finger on it.”
“Hey, give me the box a minute.” She examines the empty package. “Did you say that 5000 is still his favourite?”
“Look at all the numbers on this! Could he have been saying them aloud?”
“I don’t know my brain was numb at the time.”
“Look 5106!”
“Maybe he just wanted it for the number 5000?”
“You think?”
“Well in that case, all you have to do is rip off the numbers of cartons whilst you’re in the store and give them too him. You won’t have to ever actually buy him anything ever again!”
“That’s vandalism! I’ll be had up!” [translation = arrested for product tampering]
“What choice do you have? Vandalism or financial ruin. Jail or the Poor House, you choose?”

My daughter saunters into the room, “you could get him to choose a smaller number!” she offers helpfully. We adults smile indulgently at her generous suggestion, “if only it were that simple dear! But you know him, once he’s got a bee in his bonnet about something there’s no shifting him.”

“No!” she explains patiently. “He didn’t want you to buy it because of the number, he wanted you to bring it home because he hadn’t finished counting to 5106. You could have waited until he reached 5106 and then he’d have put it back on the shelf.”

Strangely I have no reason to doubt her. [translation = the ring of truth doesn’t need a bell, just a tinkle]


BOSSY said...

Bossy heard of the ultimate rip-off: A sound machine that features silence.

mumkeepingsane said...

What a smarty your daughter is. Patrick's older brother often patiently explains to my what I didn't understand about any given situation. Drives me crazy!

Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

...a twinkle like fairy dust.

Jerry Grasso said...

Me thinks you need to have Hubby ask her questions during the 'moment'.....She's quite a little counselor

Domestic Goddess said...

Tarzhay and children dont' mix.
I always get sucked into buying things when they are there, be it M&Ms or Fishies or Matchbox (because, after all, four bins FULL is not enough!). When I am left ther eby myself I get into even MORE trouble! AMAZING!

Special Needs Mama Prof said...

But does it work???!!!

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Oh, that entire Target trip and the counting sound so familiar! If you are ever in Target and run into a mom loading $100 worth of miscellaneous crap into a cart while her son squares numbers into the trillions, (and has to start over if anything goes wrong), um, that would be me.

Melissa said...

Shopping with kids will usually lead to poor judgement calls.
Have you tried it out yet? Did it work at all???

chrisd said...

Can she come over and play w/my daughter? (My eldest's younger sister (nt))

Niksmom said...

ROFL! I LOVE YOUR POSTS! (Sorry, I got excited.) Your daughter is brilliant.

mjsuperfan said...

Oh my gosh, maybe i should stop trying to teach my boys to count!

Your daughter is very astute.

Joeymom said...

Joey's favorite number is 612. I have no idea why. He loves Target, because we can get chocolate chewing gum there. Andy gets downright happy when he sees the Target, because to him, it means New Toys. I try to avoid that side of town altogether.

kristina said...

Charlie keeps trying to get us to buy one thing at Target: Cheetos. I think it has to do with the orange color of the bag.

I guess you didn't save the receipt for returning purposes? (My family is forever returning things post-use.)

Haddayr said...

Ah, brilliant girl.

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