I have moved over to WhittereronAutism.com. Please follow the link to find me there. Hope to see you after the jump! :)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Apply that!

There’s no nice way of putting it really, so I’ll be blunt, frank and to the point. Pointless is precisely what they are! They have no useful purpose in life. Our lives would be so much better without them really when you think about it for a moment or two. Apart from anything else, they just take up too much space, to say nothing of the ghastly effects that they have on the environment. All things being equal, I would have to say that when all’s said and done, we ought to simply ban them and oh how so much better the world would be, to say nothing of the quality of life.

I’m in a strong position on this one as we completely ignored ours for three years, didn’t so much as even say hello to it. Well you wouldn’t though really, would you? I may be a few eggs short of a clutch but they would definitely cart me off in the wagon if they found me talking to a dishwasher. To be fair, I was prejudiced against the appliance due to it’s colour. Who in their right mind would have a Avocado green kitchen? But that’s American’s for you in a nutshell. [translation = that should be a stone under the circumstances, an avocado stone that is to say]

Since we are all too familiar with a least a hundred reasons why dishwashers should be banned, I won’t enumerate them here, merely concentrate on some of the more obvious drawbacks. The first of these would be space, or lack thereof. I can think of at least a thousand things that would better fill that hole, than a useless dishwasher. [translation = tiny galley kitchen]

The second obvious reason, is that they don’t actually clean the contents of the dishwasher, merely spread the mess more finely over every item and then bake it on hard for an hour.

The third reason, and last for our purposes, would be dependent upon other adult personages that share the same household as you. Some grown up personages, feel the need to wash every item prior to putting it into the dishwasher. These same personages wash each item with one gallon of flowing water per piece. [Translation = 160 "fluid ounces" rather that 128 "fluid ounces," as the "Pilgrim Father’s" mislaid a bit on the way] This, of course, is known as overkill. Why wash what is already clean?

I am glad that we have managed to reach a democratic consensus on this matter. We should now turn our attention to the issue of the environmentally safe disposal of the banned items. However, I can hear a noise in the kitchen and I shall return shortly to conclude.

I enter the kitchen.

“What on earth are you doing?” I splutter rhetorically.
“I am not dah earf I am dah boy!”
Typical, fell right into that one.
“You look very wet,” I suggest to my tactiley defensive son.
“I am not wet. Er… I am wet. I am clean. I am do dah cleaning of dah fings. All dah fings are being very cleaning, er …clean,” says my OCD hygienist.
“So I see.”
I see a small wet boy, who has removed every item of his wet clothing. He stands on a wet step, at the sink that is overflowing with water and enough soap suds to carry off a good advertisement for bubble bath. There probably are some things in there, but they’re hard to discern amongst the foam and froth.
“Usually…..we use the dishwasher to wash those things.”
“I am knowing it but dah dishwasher is bad.”
“Why is it bad?”
“Because when dah fings are coming out of dere, dey at hot and I cannot be using dem when dey are hot.”

That of course, would be the fourth reason.


AS said...

Since time immemorial (well, actually, just since I can remember), it has always been the "right" thing to do, to wash dishes before putting them in the dishwasher... see, the dishwasher is really just for completely sanitizing things... that's why they have to be so hot when you take them out... :o)

Suzanne said...

hee hee hee. Kids are great at explaining things.

Bev said...

Ah, your kitchen was designed in the 1970s? The other "hot" color of the day was called "Harvest Gold", so you should count your blessings, it's far worse than the avocado. It's fashionably "retro" now. I'm wondering about the stove, does it match (I'm betting the refrigerator has been replaced, but not the stove). The proper 1970's American wallpaper to accompany this scheme would show either teapots or mushrooms.

I love vintage stuff, as you may have guessed, though I do prefer the more streamlined mid-century "modern" appliances and doodads. Could you post a picture of yours? Your photographs are always lovely and I very much like the "sudsy boy" photo on this post.

your faithful (non-parent)reader,

mumkeepingsane said...

What a fabulous photo!

We're getting rid of our dishwasher as soon as it dies. But it won't (die that is) so we keep using it.

n. said...

(1) why were there no rubber lizards in the story? I was waiting for them.
(2) seriously. ok i guess i just like plastic reptiles.
(3) in our also tiny kitchen, we have no dishwasher [translation: the dishwasher is me (he's the cook. it's safer that way all round)] and are trying to figure out how best to get rid of the stove and put a cooktop with cabinets underneath, as we hardly ever use the oven.

Jerry Grasso said...

You have it all wrong! One must clean off the dishes in hot water, then scrub the dishes with some soap with hot water, to put in the dishwasher to ensure they are clean enough to eat off of the next day. Think how many people you are keeping employeed? Detergent and soap makers, folks at the water company, folks who make hot water heaters and dishwashers...sink designers..plumbers....there is a method to this madness ;-)

Melissa said...

We have lived in many different places over the years. In one house we had the most heavenly dishwasher... I could put in dishes with dried oatmeal in that thing and they would come out sparkling! Never any crusty remanents on anything... it was a gift from the angels. Now, we have a crappy one... sigh...

Linda said...

With my dishwasher, you have to wash the dishes first or they would never get clean. Seems kinda dumb, eh?

Oh by the by, I have returned the favor and tagged you on my blog for a meme! Heehee!!

Maddy said...

Oh dear!

Stomper Girl said...

I dreamed the other night we were moving to a much nicer rental house and one of the improvements was a dishwasher. The other was air-conditioning. Oh and nice landlords.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button