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Thursday, July 12, 2007

Campaign Consolidation

I determine to return to my former self, the efficient, ‘plan ahead’ self. A decade ago I would plan the year in advance, set goals, note all birthdays and anniversaries well ahead of time. [translation = allow for the vagaries of the international postal system] Then, all of a sudden, a whole slew of babies descended upon us. [translation = fertility increased due to imbibing American water and breathing American air]

I decide that baby steps are the order of the day and therefore limit my planning to ‘Summer.’ Nevertheless I am determined to consolidate and co-ordinate campaigns to date, in a seamless trajectory towards the goal of ‘progress.’

During the Summer we with reduce our footprint on the planet in a few fundamental ways. Firstly, laundry shall be minimized. [translation = instead of changing filthy clothes after each meal consumed, we shall dispense with the need for clothing] Furthermore this campaign will be co-ordinated with outdoor eating to reduce cleaning. [translation= the birds will benefit from the crumbs, clumps and other debris and spills] Bodies are so much easier to wash than clothes. As I have no plan to tumble dry my children after washing, this will further reduce our electricity consumption. In an effort to cut electricity consumption, living outside a hot house, will negate the need for air conditioning. Everyone will be cooler if not burdened by clothing.

Now what have I left out? [translation = missed.]

Now I’d be the first to admit that there are a couple of stumbling blocks in the great plan. It’s not that I’ve forgotten that I have ‘inside bodies’ rather than outdoorsy ones, but that little bump in the plan can become part of the plan. [translation = further desensitization to ‘outside’] All elements of the plan can work together harmoniously. Their education will be considerably enhanced through nature studies. [translation = mother nature and all her little pals are our friends not the enemy] We can practice a whole slew of new vocabulary. [translation = greater than Venus flytrap, bee, lizard and locked gate]

I refine the plan and mine for details that I might have missed when spouse appears. I tell him the good news, that the campaign is nearly ready. I advise him of all pertinent elements.

“All this to save the planet?”
“And you’re sure you’ve thought this all through?”
“Absolutely! Faultless! It is the perfect plan.”
“It has a familiar ring to it.”
“It does?” In what manner?”
“Naked screaming children in the garden – isn’t that precisely where we were four years ago before therapy started?”

It’s just as well that someone has a functioning memory bank.


Genevieve Hinson said...

Ohhh we've just started doing the recycling bit in effort to live green and lessen our footprint. we've a long way to go.

Loved reading your post. The picture had me laughing out loud, tooooo cute.

Many of your translations are heelarious (to me anyhows).


Suzanne said...

How 'bout some nekkid hopscotch therapy? lol!

Jerry Grasso said...

What do you think my wife would think if I put on floaties and hopped around nekkid?



Get the man into therapy?

Different kind of therapy than the boys are involved in...

But it sure looks fun!

Anonymous said...

We should have a competition and see if any of us actually manage to follow our "plans" for the summer. Good luck to us all. I try.. it always falls apart.

We compost - feed the cows. And we recycle. And we recover in the winter (boiler) Yes, there are actually 4 R's but the forth is not politically correct at this time.


Melissa said...

Al Gore would be so proud of your efforts!

Melanie said...

Oh, how cute! I love that picture!!

Ms. Skywalker said...

"A" for effort.

"A+" for the photo element.

And many, many karma points for worrying about the world we will leave behind.

Special Needs Mama Prof said...

It's all perfect, really.

Heidi said...

Here in Wood Vale, England, hot summer = (no clothes = less laundry) + no need to leave the house (drive) to go to dreaded soft play centre/playground/swimming pool. Ergo less carbon whatsitcalled. So let's try to make the climate warmer, yes?

Are those arm bands those roll up ones, they are great!

Niksmom said...

OMG, I am cracking up here! The picture is pricelsss!! Do please keep us apprised of the progress on your summer plan (trying hard not to snigger!)...

Jeni said...

My blogger buddy, Linda (of Are We There Yet) mentioned your blog in her post the other day and since I saw the word "Autism" there, I was drawn to check your blog out. And that is what I've been doing for the past two days - reading and reading and then, reading some more of your posts! Fascinating!
I'm a grandmother of three - my oldest grandson, Alex will be 10 come August and the two younger ones, my Princess (Maya) will be 4 in October and her little brother was 15 months today (er, yesterday now - the 13th). My granddaughter is autistic and we are seeing several markers in her little brother now too that looks like he is also autistic.
Although Maya is high functioning, the reason she is doing as great as she is stems from having two therapists who come to the house and have worked with her for an hour each week for the past two years! Her speech is coming along nicely now but the echo in the house some days can seem almost deafening! I enjoyed so much reading your posts, hearing the humor in your voice as you describe various things that are prominent features probably in the lives of almost everyone on the planet who is learning right along with some small person in their household who is autistic. It is quite an experience - and one, I must add, that I wouldn't trade either though. Seeing the changes in my granddaughter to do things one generally thinks of as the "norm" in most children, makes all the rest just a mediocre life at best.
Keep writing, keep putting up the great photos too! Really a very enjoyable blog and your thoughts about the summer attire too - completely understandable!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for your fabulous blog...
A much needed hearty laugh for an exhausted, beaten-down mother of two autistic boys. I look forward to each new post! Your boys are adorable, thanks so much for sharing...

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