Notable quotes

“Wot are your pirate parts?”
“?”

*****

“Don’t use toilet paper to dry your hands dear it’s wasteful.”
“Wot I dry my hands?”
“The towel! Right there! Where is always is. I’m sure someone’s eating the loo rolls we use so many.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes? Someone’s eating toilet paper?”
“Yes.”
“Who? Who is eating toilet paper?”
“Thatcher.”
“!”

****

“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“Can I have electronics now.”
“Sorry dear, you know the rule.” I see his bottom lip quiver but of course I cannot speak falsely. “I know, why don’t you go and see Daddy? See what he says?” He toddles off pale and wan and skinny to ask, whilst I clean up after five hours of vomiting, headaches and baths, but at least he’s vertical again. I pop the next load of laundry on as he appears behind me, “so what did Daddy say luvvy?”
“He says I can be havin electronics coz……..just this once on account of you had a real shitty day.”
“!”

***

My daughter arrives home with Thatcher after his ‘walk.’ We discuss his new habit of eating toilet paper as he collapses on a heap on the floor, tummy exposed, legs akimbo with exhaustion. My younger son dives on him for a cuddle.
“I checked with the vet,” she offers, to keep me up to speed.
“And.”
“He has no idea, but it’s not good. As for his other ailments he’s quite fine.”
“Yuck! Dat is gross!” yells the cuddler as he leaps to his feet.
“What’s the matter dear?”
“He doesn’t use toilet paper.”
“Who doesn’t use toilet paper?”
“Thatcher.”
“No….that’s because he’s a boy or rather that’s because he’s a dog. He merely eats the darned stuff.”
“I am never touching the private parts of a dog again!”
“!”
I guide him towards the bathroom for the next clean up, “you probably need to be more careful where you put yourself when cuddling.”
“I’m gonna stick to the end dat licks.”

Blogging Against Disablism

Please scroll down for new posts

Please go and check out other participants over "here" at "Diary of a Goldfish."

This is a difficult topic for me because I do not consider myself to be a political junkie. If anything my politics are more of the green
variety. That said I'm only to happy to get on my soap box when it comes to my feminist aspirations, however those opinions are not born out in reality. It's not easy to be a feminist when you're married and a stay at home parent.

I was thinking about how my feminist values had petered out recently when I listened to a snippet of a radio interview where a journalist said that her husband came first, before her children. Her point was in part that when women became mother's they switched roles from partner to obsessive women thoroughly absorbed in raising their children to the exclusion of all other aspects of life.

Whether or not this is true is debatable, but it made me think.

It made me think about how we didn't exactly plan to have four children neither did we plan to have two differently abled children, autistic boys.

Whilst I was busy perseverating about life the universe and everything else in-between updating PEC boards and snipping itchy labels out of new summer clothes, I also caught a snippet of a television programme that my daughter was watching. The programme was about autistic twins, women in the 50's. It took account of their lives following the death of their parents and then their sole supporting sister. Savants indeed, but life skills and survival in the big bad world proved to be a trial.

The word 'institution' was whispered. The equivalent of Social Services came on the case. The possibilities of respite care, supportive services and day centres for both the family and the women. Common sense made the light of day. There were positive possibilities and a willingness to make it happen.

And that's when it dawned on me, because I'm sometimes a bit slow on the uptake. Regardless of the politics, feminist or otherwise, that's my job. Whilst I have "many" "responsibilities" and "aspirations," we created these children and brought them into the world. Our job is to do the very best we can, like all other parents, to ensure that our children have the best chance at life and all it's possibilities.

Toil and trouble

We return from school in full metldown mode following another stressful bout of STAR testing. With homework awaiting us as well as any number of chores to be completed in a tight three hours I see trouble ahead. I am behind with just about everything as efficiency standards have dropped quite markedly of late.

Once inside I cannot decide where to start but luckily someone prompts me.

“I am "cook.”
“Are you? Well it is nearly 90. I don’t mind if you want to take your shirt off dear.”
“No!”
“No?”
“No ……I am be cook today.”
“What are you cook? Er…..I mean……..you want to cook something?”
“Yes.”
“Really?" To be honest I am not keen as a hot pulsating oven is the very last thing we need at the moment. That said, some opportunities are too good to miss. "What do you want to cook?”
“Somefink in dis book I am having here.”
“Ooo that looks nice.”
“Do we have it?”
“Do we have what dear?”
“A chef’s white hat?”
“No……but you don’t need a chef’s hat to cook…..and……I can make you one later after you’ve cooked something. Do you plan to eat what you cook?”
“Yes I am gonna be an eater and a chefer today.”
“Lummy. Two for the price of one.”
“So am be read dah book.”
“Good oh. Which one would you like to make?”
“Sugar cookies.”
“We don’t have any confectioners sugar.”
“Chocolate crinkle cookies.”
“No chocolate.”
“Chocolate ice-cream cake!”
“We don’t have any cocoa nor ice-cream. Maybe we should go to the shops and buy all the things we need?” As I murmour this out loud I have visions of the already squished schedule exploding with yet another, particularly arduous, chore.
“No! Ah……elephant ears.”
“!”
“I am make dem elephant ears.”
“Pardon?”
“Elephant ears.” I peer over his shoulder at the book.
“Oh Palmiers.”
"Palmies is dah English?"
"European."
“Not palmies European,...... earies.....American.”
"!"

From Neophobe to Chef in under 6 months

Now that my fine friends is what we call ironic.

As such, I feel obliged to add a wee giveaway, not gently used, but slightly trashed due to constant usage, namely "Just Take A Bite."

I believe I have read every book on the market ranging from picky eaters to real neophobes and this was the only one that worked for us. If you know of someone who might benefit from a healthy dollop of sanity, probably a parent, then send them on over to enter and win. It's an expensive investment that was well worth it for us and I would hope to be able to help someone else through this torrid time. It doesn't 'cure' neophobes, but it does offer a change of perspective and approach.




Thank you for pointing out that the clothes campaign still falters. One baby step at a time methinks.







If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

Many thanks to the kindly anonymous bod that added yesterday's post to Stumbleupon. If I knew who you were......

Cheers dears

Got you pegged

A step by step guide to making your own peg bag or laundry hamper or toy tidy, it's that versatile! Reduce, recycle, re-use and go green all at the same time.

Level of difficulty = easy peasy

This is best made from sturdy material such as corduroy, canvas or heavy linen. Alternatively, use up anything you have hanging around including old clothes that are no longer wearable. Use a plastic hanger because then when it’s hanging up outside in the weather it won’t rust.




Cut out the shape, large or small depending upon how many mountains of laundry you tackle in the average day.





Look at your hand, if you are the one who will be pegging out the clothes and compare it’s size to the bowls in your kitchen. Use the right size bowl to draw a circle in the upper centre of the front of the bag with taylor’s chalk, or any other chalk come to think of it. [*] Keep it on the high side so that you can reach into the bag, as if you put it too low all the pegs will fall out.





Sew around the hole with bias binding.



Since bias binding is hideously expensive and comes in a really titchy packets, you can make your own either contrasting or of the same material. All you have to do is cut a strip diagonally [the bias] across the warp of the fabric. [or possibly weft?] Bias binding is stretchy and therefore more forgiving when you attach it.



Bind off the neck [top] similarly to prevent fraying.

French seam outside edge and reinforce the ‘shoulders’ and base seam if you plan to use a lot of pegs, as if they’re wooden they get much heavier when they’re wet.

Lastly insert the hanger through the hole.[*] Make sure that the hanger will also fit through the hole first before you attach the bias binding.

These natty little bags are also very handy for camping unless you want to sleep in a nest of Pokemon. They also double as laundry hampers. You can hang them on the back of your child’s bedroom door to encourage independence. If you use them for either of the previous purposes then it’s a good idea to add an open-able flap at the bottom of the bag for quick release.



I have tried doing this with old favourite t-shirts but the results are a bit too stretchy with far too much give, however, I think it’s perfectly feasible to make the bag out of a plain white fabric and then attach a large front square of the stretchy T-shirt as an appliqué decoration.











And if anyone gives me a tissue box cover or a peg bag for Mother's Day I shall be extremely miffed.........unless it's been made with tender loving care from smaller people with bigger souls.

Scatological Brits

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

Of course I only have myself to blame on that very noisy morning of extreme busyness. When I am in the vortex of extreme busyness I revert to type and my brain returns to it’s earliest functions, basic. It’s one of those mornings where everyone appears to be in flight, high speed rockets without traffic control, and so loud that synapses freeze over, numb. I look at the pile of books purchased from Scholastic in support of the school fundraiser and wonder if I will ever witness anyone calmly absorbed in a book? I was so sure that book on body parts would entertain someone, maybe more than one. As always, I am wrong.



My youngest son flits between the two downstairs bathrooms with the toilet plungers firmly in his grasp, one in each hand as we have temporarily regressed to the stick stage of development. It is a common symptom of stress and anxiety. If I had a talisman of my own, I’m q uite sure I would take a grip myself. Meanwhile his older brother chortles to his newly homemade, first ever time, aeroplane paper model as he soars from room to room making brrrring noises, eyes glued to the flightless contraption in his hand, way above his head as he crashes into every obstacle that stands in the way of his feet and movement. If your eyes are on high, then your legs are on the down low and the net result is a tangle. My youngest daughter charges up and down the stairs winding up the dog to fever pitch. Although Thatcher doesn’t bark, he is big, big and hairy and much too large to travel and 25 mph in narrow confines. My elder daughter continues her enterprise with the ancient sewing machine at the dining room table in the centre of the house. The sewing machine that she uses was the first ever manufactured in American and hence the engine in motion rattles the floorboards that travel the length of the house. Their father is nowhere to be seen, quite wisely in my opinion. For one pin, I would happily jump ship myself.

You would think with the ambient noise level that I would be deaf to the cries of death throes, but we parents are well practices in the art of recognition.

“Aghhhh it is being a "floater!”

I skate in my socks to the bathroom at warp speed where my son stands before the mirror still clutching the toilet plungers with his nose one inch away from the mirror. I check the toilet behind him. "Empty." I take a deep breath, since my initial fear is all clear.

“I am "contaminated?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I am have dah swine flu?”
“Never. It’s just a little speck in your eye love.”




So this is just to say that this is not a book to be avoided if you also suffer from OCD tendencies, rather it is a very useful teaching tool and funny to boot.




I would just like to point out that our toilet plungers are, by necessity, the two cleanest toilet plungers in Christendom, due to a surfeit of consumer mis-use.

Pinch, Punch, first of the Month

We have being doing "that" little trick in our family for as long as I can remember, although admittedly the memory is a bit shaky these days.

So today is the day that we draw the winner for the "giveaway." It should have been the first of May and the end of Autism Awareness Month, but real life ran away with me.

I did plan to use the randomizer but tempest fugit so I trusted the job to "Old Faithful." To be honest we practiced a LOT first, as chance, random and 'lap of the gods' are all matters of great angst. In fact when I think of the time we spent practicing, I could probably have learned how to use the randomizer and saved myself hours. Glad his sister was on hand to translate my appalling hand-writing!



So the winner is "Susie" at "Susies Homemade." If you can trust me with your postal address I shall send it right off to you on Monday.



Meanwhile I've been working on my calligraphy. I favour English Roundhand myself, no big surprises there, so if you have one of those names that is never available when it comes to monogrammes, just let me know.






Cheers dears

Who wins?

Get the code:-
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below

<a href="http://www.lighteningonline.com/"><img src="http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q158/mmcewen/smiley-saturday-1.jpg" /></a>

Many positive, happy and optimistic people enjoy sharing their triumphs with others and like to list the many things that they are truly and genuinely grateful for. Other people, miserable, cynical pessimists, have to try a lot harder. It’s a jolly short list.








1. I am grateful for the opportunity to further beautify my garden with the addition of small fencing to edge the flower beds. Additionally, although it only reaches as high as Thatcher’s ankles we are confident that it will serve as a visual reminder and barrier. Hopefully the strawberries will remain in the earth. Should this campaign fail we are quite certain that baths for Mr. Muddy will prove a more aversive reinforcement.


2. I am grateful for the many useless coupons from the supermarket which reflect the ever increasing amount of fodder that I purchase to keep my family’s tummies full. If anyone has need for vouchers for Preparation H, just let me know.

3. I am delighted at the new phrase that perseverates throughout our house at 50 decibels and 30 minutes duration:- "I'm gonna be dah fattest guy in dah world ever." As yet we have not noticed any physical evidence of additional flesh over his skinny little chicken chest, but otherwise remain hopeful. This is the power of positive thinking

3. I am truly grateful for my son’s bravery, when he dumped a whole carton of ant powder on the single insect under the table in the garden. We are even more delighted that the ants have decided to re-group and camp out in the dining room instead. This provides the perfect business opportunity as grateful families the world over benefit from our new money making enterprise to re-stock ant farms on Etsy.

What do you mean?

Of course they’re home made.



Cheers dears

Foot falls and other mis-steps

Let me say first, that that table is nearly as old as I am. The chairs are more rickety so we bought half a dozen sturdier versions to supplement. American chairs that mingle quite happily with their South African cousins. They're a mis-match like just about everything else around here. We have enjoyed living in this house for nearly 10 years now, so we know all of it's pitfalls.

It was baby proofed for a while but our efforts were never foolproof with our particular set of children. There were no substitutes for constant supervision. Nonetheless our children have survived and indeed flourish, but it never pays to be too complacent.

Just as we come to believe that we have seen everything and know all things that are knowable, a plaintive voice will squeal, "mom! Can you get me outta here?"

The tale of two pots

[or why I hate glaze]

Once upon a time there was a potter who threw two pots on the wheel, one straight after the other, with the same type of clay, in the same manner. Many moons later after they were both high fired, the potter glazed them with Sun Valley Rutile and Woo Blue.

One came out like the poo pot that it really was, rough dark brown and hideously vile:-




The other came out as a stunning gem:-














A camera just can't do it justice,




but with a 50% failure rate there better be a jolly big market for poo pots.

Cheers dears

What exactly is that anyway?

What's your best guess?

I'll give you a hint=
woo blue and sun valley rutile.

Answers tomorrow!

"Trish" the supremely well "organised one" pointed out that my sidebar had gone all screwy, although she used proper words to describe my most unfortunate mistake with Wordpress so I whizzed of to "Van" to throw myself at his technical feet, the maker of the favicon "favicon" who has saved my bacon again "Furiousball" so he may be able to help you out too with your web needs for his reasonable prices, fully "qualified" and tech savvy approach is sure to leave all "customers" thoroughly satisfied, again. You can find his "resume" and "contact" details on this post "here."


And you still have just enough time to sneak into the Mother's Day Giveaways of at "5 Minutes for Mum."

If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to"DJ Kirkby" over at "Chez Aspie" and test your brain power.

Listen very carefully........

Because I shall say this only once! Well, that at least was the plan. I don’t know about you and your campaigns but around here consistency and persistence are our watch words, together with big dollops of follow through. I think it’s the follow through where I am apt to trip up and fall down.

A case in point would be a recent campaign that I instigated in an attempt to return some order to the chaotic state that we currently live in. It was quite a small campaign in the great scheme of things, very simple. The new campaign for the children was to pick up their Webkinz and Pokemons and put them in a laundry hamper, a large one, rather than leave them strewn all over their beds and carpet. It is so much easier to make beds and vacuum every day if you avoid having to wade your way through a morass of wildlife.

Hence just before our night time routine I told them about the new campaign. I made sure that I had everyone’s attention first before making my proclamation:-

‘Listen very carefully because I shall say this only once. Are you listening? Can you hear me? Right. So before you come downstairs tomorrow at 5 o’clock in the morning, first you must put every Webkinz, Pokemon and other fluffies in this large laundry hamper. Do you understand? Can you do this?’

Once a positive response was extracted, I moved onto the next child and repeated myself because although I was sure to ‘only say it once,’ I did in fact say it three times. I said it loud enough so that each of the three times that I said it, the other two could also hear it, because that’s what we call positive re-inforcement around here. I made it plain that consequences for non-compliance would follow. What consequence? A time out for all malingering fluffies, although I failed to specify how long that 'time out' would last.

Thusly the following morning I was confident that henceforward my domestic duties would have halved over-night.

Sadly, as it turned out, yet another campaign failed at the first blip.



The back story for anyone with special needs children.

It was pretty much doomed without a prompt in the morning, a prompt that I did intend to give but failed to give, due to the reality of two wet beds and copious amounts of dog vomit. Very unwelcome gifts at 5.04 precisely.

I think that this is an all too familiar reminder that in an idea world, I like to set up my children to experience success. Although the prompt was in the ether, in reality I failed to perform.

To be fair, I think any child would have a hard time remembering something new from the night before, especially if the new thing was a chore. I did follow up and remove the toys to a spot out of reach but I know that they won’t be there as long on a ‘time out’ as if I had other children.

Other children might accept this as a commensurate consequence but not my children. If I had done this a few years ago, screaming meltdowns would be more or less guaranteed but these days we have words with which to express our disdain more logically. Logically, they believe that the toys are being punished for their oversight, which therefore is patently unfair and the cause of great angst.

I share this because parents of special needs children frequently feel like failures. It can be very de-moralizing and debilitating to stare at the faces of defeat, especially when they are of our own making.

Even after all these years I still get it wrong and I still make mistakes.

Meanwhile I have to design "three original cakes" for the fundraiser at school, which is great because I'm much better at cakes than kids. The theme is 'fiesta' although I personally wish it was 'siesta,' any ideas gratefully received. All I can come up with with a cactus with great big pokey spines.

You can't have your cake and eat it too......if you give it away.

Last three days of the bowl "giveaway/freebie."

Cheers dears

Playing catch up

Hosted by "Tracy" at "Mother May I," but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

I like to think that this tribute to Garfield is directly related to my son's increased diet. Well......Garfield does have very winning ways.






If you're looking for something different for Mother's Day, then how about a "goat?" I just love "Oxfam."

My daughter is safely back from Science Camp together with the "cartoons."

If you're in need of other freebies and giveaways then you could do a lot worse than to nip along to a new site that I recently discovered called "We are THAT family" where you can find a pleasant introduction to the "clan here."

Please add your name to my two giveaways if you haven't already as the end of April approaches:-

"here" or "here."






Meanwhile the "Pi" dishes are still languishing in the kiln up at the studio but any day soon now......so if you don't want to miss them you may wish to subscribe to my RSS feed at "Etsy" or "twitter," as I do not blog in real time.

Yesterday I was over at 5 Minutes for Special needs Moms "here" at "Five Minutes for Special Needs Mums," so if you're willing to subject your blog to a withering "review," just let us know?